I miss those innocent days when my kids were babies and were tiny, sweet and full of giggles — and I could squirt milk out of my tits at the drive-thru cashier for funsies.
Tone: shocking
Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
My ex called me “Snakegirl.” Turns out it was because I like
My ex called me “Snakegirl.” Turns out it was because I like snakeskin boots so much and had nothing to do with that cool blowjob trick I do where I unhinge my jaw.
-
If you meet a girl just a-walkin’ down the street, singing “Doo
If you meet a girl just a-walkin’ down the street, singing “Doo wah diddy-diddy, dum diddy do,” snapping her fingers and shuffling her feet, she’s probably not exactly right in the head, and you’re better off not making her acquaintance. Unless she’s got big tits. REALLY big tits.
-
I have one religious tenet when it comes to sex: Ask and ye
I have one religious tenet when it comes to sex: Ask and ye shall receive. Except for anal.
-
It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the
It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the sexual problems in my marriage and suggest to my wife that maybe we should have an open relationship and have sex with other people. Her response of “THANK YOU, GOD!!!!” sure didn’t help.
-
(Steve R. Clancy) There once was a chick from Vancouver, Who
(Steve R. Clancy) There once was a chick from Vancouver, Who sucked cock like she was a Hoover. Till the day she got ticked And bit off a dick, Then swallowed it like an hors d’oeuvre.
-
I should never have told that chick on Craigslist that I was
I should never have told that chick on Craigslist that I was into humiliation. Right after she had HER orgasm, she took me to a bus stop and gave me $2 for fare.
-
There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right
There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right decision to meet with your doctor about your sex addiction than your masturbating to the breast-self-exam pamphlet in the waiting room.
-
After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t
After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t remember whether she told me that she was a “virgin” or a “vegan.” So on our first date I hedged my bets by banging her *and* bringing her a salad.
