Tone: shocking

Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

the blank in the adage, “Absence makes the _____ grow _____.”

the blank in the adage, “Absence makes the _____ grow _____.” Turned out that my reply “penis” and “harder” was not the correct one.
I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. For

I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. For example, I believe He brought me the new receptionist so I can stare at her tits all day.
I know they say that when it comes to sex, “a hole is a hole,”

I know they say that when it comes to sex, “a hole is a hole,” but it’s been a week now and my wife still hasn’t gotten her hearing back.
Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you

Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you to finish the following: a) As old as _____. b) As heavy as _____. c) As cold as _____. The correct answers are as follows: a) shit. b) shit. c) fuck.
I awoke all sticky after falling asleep on the set of an animal

I awoke all sticky after falling asleep on the set of an animal porn film. It’s something I don’t normally do
I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up

I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up doing a power puke into the garbage can next to the podium. I was later reprimanded by my boss, who told me a real woman would have swallowed.
If you’re ever nauseous, you should put your head between your

If you’re ever nauseous, you should put your head between your knees and take deep breaths. Unless it’s your own ball stench that’s making you nauseous in the first place — then you should try something else.
When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too

When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too worried. Either any residual spirits would be gone within the week, or they’d be into watching a guy whack off to chubby-chick porn six times a day, in which case they’re my kind of ghosts.
My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy

My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy the Stripper for Halloween, he refused to eat me.
Hotel sex is great, but I hate having to ask housekeeping to

Hotel sex is great, but I hate having to ask housekeeping to clean around the tied-up midget.