A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.
Tone: shocking
Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
They Dont Fuck Around at Those Crematoriums
A seven-year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher:
Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?
Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.
Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I hope?
Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they don’t fuck around at those crematoriums. -
If Those Useless Cocksuckers at the Lumber Yard
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take her dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I’ve been working with a crew building a house all week.”
“My goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week too?”
“I will if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard ever bring us the fucking wood,” replied the little girl.
-
Bet Your Ass Its Not Cheerios
There are two little brothers, one is seven and the other is four. The seven year old convinces the four year old that they are old enough to swear now. He tells the four year old, “When we go downstairs, I will say, ‘Hell’ and you say ‘ass’.”
The four year old agrees. When they get downstairs, the mother asks the seven year old, “What do you want for breakfast?”
Seven year old, “Oh, hell, I’ll just have some Cheerios.”
Well, mother slaps the crap out of him and sends him to his room.
Then, she turns to the four year old — “What do you want for breakfast?”
The four year old is wide-eyed and says, “I’m not sure, but you can bet your ass it’s not going to be Cheerios!”
-
How Do You Like That
This woman is in labor. Everything is going fine, and suddenly the nurse exclaims “I can see his head!”
And sure enough, the baby peeks out. But then he sees this nurse, gets scared, and ducks back in. After a few moments, he pops his head out and looks around the room again. This time, he sees the doctor, gets scared, and ducks back in. A few more minutes pass, and the baby reluctantly peeks out again. This time, he sees the father.
Suddenly, he reaches out and starts poking the father on his forehead and says, “How do you like that, mother fucker!??”
-
What Fucking Trip
Delta Airlines introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
The results were mixed. On the positive side, 96% of the surveys were returned — by far the highest in the history of such surveys.
On the negative side, virtually all of the returned surveys contained only one short sentence: “What fucking trip???”
