Tone: shocking

Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Smoked Crack After Work And Sold The Car

    Smoked Crack After Work And Sold The Car

  • The Moth Exterminator

    A man is banging a married woman when suddenly they hear the front door slam. “It’s my husband, hide in the bathroom!” says the woman frantically.

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    The man runs into the bathroom just as the husband enters the bedroom. “Honey, why are you naked?” he asks.

    “I was waiting for you, dear,” she says.

    The husband walks into the bathroom and sees a naked man standing there, poking the ceiling with the toilet plunger. “Who the hell are you?” the husband yells.

    “The moth exterminator,” says the naked man.

    “Why the hell are you naked?” shouts the husband.

    The naked man looks down, jumps back in shock, and yells, “Those sneaky little bastards!”

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  • Struck By Lightning Even After Death

    Struck By Lightning Even After Death

  • The Holy Water Fountain

    Father Rick has lately gotten news that some of the Sisters had been naughty, and he decided to take action. He gathered the Nuns and made them line up in front of the church’s courtyard fountain of holy water.

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    “Now sisters. I understand that desire can be strong. But today you wash away your sins. You name your sin and wash it away with the holy water.”

    The first nun in line admits to having peeked and stared at a penis, so she washes her eyes with the holy water. The second nun admitted to having touched a penis, so she washes her hand in the holy water…

    Then, suddenly, Sister Clarice starts bumping all the other nuns to get to the front of the line.

    “Sister, sister, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but everybody will get their turn.”

    “Well, I’ll tell you what, Father. If I must gargle this holy water, I’m sure going to do it before Sister Marie dunks her ass in it!”

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  • Make Sure Hes Really Dead

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses. The other calls 911, panicking: “I’m out hunting with my friend. He just fell over, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he’s not breathing. I think he’s dead! What can I do?”

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    The operator calmly replies: “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s really dead.” The phone gets quiet at the 911 emergency services’ end for a few seconds, then a gunshot is heard.

    The caller returns: “OK, that’s taken care of — now what?”

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  • Jeffrey Dahmer Stops Blender

    Jeffrey Dahmer Stops Blender

  • Rabbits Can Fuck Right Off Cereal

    Rabbits Can Fuck Right Off Cereal

  • Ill Do the Fucking Dishes

    So, this guy (let’s call him Tom) goes and buys a secondhand motor bike, and the man who sells it to him mentions that the clutch can be a little tight but there’s a trick, “Whenever you see rain coming, just put a little Vaseline on the clutch cables and it’ll keep it working smoothly. Here’s the half a jar I have left.” And he hands him a jar of Vaseline that has obviously been put through the paces.

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    Tom buys the bike and goes for a drive on this… perfect day. He picks up a hitchhiking gorgeous woman at some point, and when he drops her off, she invites him to come to her house later for a family dinner at around 7pm.

    At 7 on the dot, Tom shows up to the babe’s house, rings the bell, and the woman he gave a ride to earlier in the day answers the door looking even sexier than she did earlier (if that’s even possible.) Before letting him in, she mentions that this will be a quiet dinner because the rule is, that whoever talks first will have to do the dishes. He walks in quietly, the entrance leads to the living room. There’s dirty dishes everywhere: The coffee table, the shelf, on top of the fireplace, on top of the T.V (yeah, this happened back when there were tops of Televisions…). From the living room into the kitchen, and the counters had dirty dishes piled up to the ceiling. The only clean area was the dining table, and plates were set. The babe shows Tom to his seat, and everybody starts eating quietly…

    His date starts caressing his leg from under the table, slowly making her way to, well you know. Things get very arousing, and well, he doesn’t want to clean the dishes but he’s losing it… Eventually, he can’t take it anymore, so he grabs her, throws her on the table, rips her pants off and that he has his way with her, right there on the kitchen table in front of God and everybody. No one says a word. They sit back down and everybody goes back to eating like nothing happened. Shortly thereafter, his date’s sister starts playing footsies with him under the table. Tom grabs the sister, throws her on the table, and has his way with her as well. The mother then starts unbuttoning her blouse, and eating in very suggesting ways, so Tom throws the mother on the table and has his way with her as well. No one says a word…

    After that, Tom was rather spent, and he looks outside, you could barely see through the dirty dishes and out the window, but it looked like rain was coming. So he reaches out in his jacket pocket, and pulls out his jar of Vaseline (thinking of his clutch)…

    The father springs up into action immediately and says, “Alright, alright, put that thing away, I’ll do the fucking dishes!”

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  • Went to the Wrong Room

    Bill, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. His wife asked him, “What happened to you?”

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    “I’ve had a terrible day!” said Bill. “I had to go to a hotel where a guest had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn’t get him into a body bag because he had a huge erection — can’t even say it cause it’s embarrassing!”

    “Anyway, I went upstairs, and sure enough, there was this big man lying on the bed naked with a massive stiff one. So, I grabbed it with both hands and tried to bend it in half.”

    “I see,” said his wife. “That must have been terrible! But how did you get the black eye?”

    Bill replied, “Went to the wrong room!”

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  • Keep His Liver

    Keep His Liver