I’ve never left my heart in San Francisco. However, I did once leave some toenail clippings outside the Topeka Greyhound station.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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It’s amazing Larry, Moe and Curly remained friends all those years.
It’s amazing Larry, Moe and Curly remained friends all those years. If one on my friends kept hitting me with a hammer on purpose, I’d likely stop hanging out with him.
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If I had a time machine, I would use it for the benefit of others more needy than myself
If I had a time machine, I would use it for the benefit of others more needy than myself — like standing outside a movie theater until I heard someone say, “*There’s* two hours of my life I’ll never get back!” and I’d interject, “Well, have I got a deal for you!”
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The pay isn’t very good, but I sure have a lot of free time in my job as publicity
The pay isn’t very good, but I sure have a lot of free time in my job as publicity director for Fight Club.
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Self-defense tip: If you’re ever about to be mugged by a couple of clowns, don’t
Self-defense tip: If you’re ever about to be mugged by a couple of clowns, don’t hesitate — go for the juggler.
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I just joined a new fast-audio book club.
I just joined a new fast-audio book club. We listen to standard audio books, but save time by just fast-forwarding through them to the end. I finished “The Great Gatsby” in 20 minutes. It’s an extremely overrated novel about a lot of high-pitched chirping noises.
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Some aspects of the Bible I find a little troubling.
Some aspects of the Bible I find a little troubling. For instance, if Jesus truly believed in non-violence, why did he destroy the Death Star?
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“TEIAM” — problem solved!
“TEIAM” — problem solved!
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Be careful if you flip the bird to a proctologist: You might be inadvertently giving him
Be careful if you flip the bird to a proctologist: You might be inadvertently giving him the secret fraternal high sign.
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Apparently “resisting the urge to unleash vengeful wrath on my co-workers” is not
Apparently “resisting the urge to unleash vengeful wrath on my co-workers” is not something the employee review team deems a valid coming-year goal.
