Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

You know, you can say what you like about the Amish.

You know, you can say what you like about the Amish. That’s my favorite thing about them.
The other day as I was stopped at a traffic light, the guy in front of me jumped out of

The other day as I was stopped at a traffic light, the guy in front of me jumped out of his car and started pounding on my hood, screaming about how the ointment wasn’t working. The cops who dragged him away told me it wasn’t my fault — it was just another senseless incident of ‘roid rage.
My parents always said I’d end up unemployed and living in their basement.

My parents always said I’d end up unemployed and living in their basement. Well, I guess I showed them! By the way, thanks for the cookies and milk, Aunt Mary!
The oyster is but a shell that conceals the pearl within.

The oyster is but a shell that conceals the pearl within. And oyster guts.
I just read that the saline in breast implants is recycled.

I just read that the saline in breast implants is recycled. I wear contact lenses, so if this report is true, it means my sex life may actually be a lot better than I thought.
I used to think my older sister was possessed by a demon, what with all the levitating,

I used to think my older sister was possessed by a demon, what with all the levitating, growling voices and head-spinning. But then my parents explained that whole PMS thing to me.
I bellied up to the bar and ordered a double Jack and Coke.

I bellied up to the bar and ordered a double Jack and Coke. Before I even took a sip, I was so happy that I started jumping up a down and spilled it all over the bar. Seems I suffer from premature Jack elation.
I think a really cool thing for blind people would be talking warning signs.

I think a really cool thing for blind people would be talking warning signs. The drawback would be the resulting explosion of the blind population due to a lack of natural predators.
The second rule of Fight Club is: Don’t whistle songs from “The Sound of Music.”

The second rule of Fight Club is: Don’t whistle songs from “The Sound of Music.”
All these advertisements and commercials confuse me.

All these advertisements and commercials confuse me. Here I was thinking the burning sensation when I urinated just meant my shampoo was working.