Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

When It Comes to Their Pessimism

When it comes to their pessimism, every pessimist is an optimist.
They Shouldn’t Call Them Farts; They Should Call Them Assertations

They shouldn’t call them farts; they should call them assertations.
World Kindness Day and International Day for Tolerance

November 13th is World Kindness Day. November 16th is International Day for Tolerance. Trust me, you do NOT want to confuse them.
Today’s Intelligence World Changes So Rapidly

Today’s intelligence world changes so rapidly; it’s all the CIA can do to pretend not to keep up.
People Magazine and the Sexiest Man

Hey, People Magazine! Unless you’re worried about angry letters from necrophiliacs, you can just say “Sexiest Man.”
The Duck’s Tool Bag

A duck walks into a bar, puts down his tool bag, takes a seat, and orders a drink. The same thing happens every day for a week.

The bartender tells him a news reporter wants to feature him.

The duck says, “What the fuck do they want with a plumber?”

Share:Twitter Facebook Linkedin Reddit Whatsapp Email
I Asked My Scottish Friend How Many Sexual Partners He’s Had

I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had.

He started counting but soon fell asleep.
A Dog In Training

Me: “Sweet dog you got there.”

Policeman: “Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.”

Me: “Still in training, huh?”

Policeman: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Never mind.”

Share:Twitter Facebook Linkedin Reddit Whatsapp Email
The Bar Challenge

A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?”

The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”

Share:Twitter Facebook Linkedin Reddit Whatsapp Email
A Job Interview

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, ‘We’re looking for someone who is responsible.’

‘Well, I’m your man,’ I replied. ‘In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.’

Share:Twitter Facebook Linkedin Reddit Whatsapp Email