Witty Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Snails Without Their Shells

You’d think snails would be faster without their shells.

But they’re actually a bit more sluggish.

My wife thinks our friend is lying when he claimed that he scaled Mount Everest, but I disagree.

I think he made it up.

My kids asked if they could have a dance party in the neighbor’s vegetable garden. I’m like, “Uh, why?”

“Because they lettuce turnip the beets.”

I was going to tell you a joke about a dwarf felon walking down a set of stairs.

But it’s a little condescending.

Sundays are always a little bit sad.

But the day before is a sadder day.

An elephant walks into a bar. Nobody acknowledges him.

The elephant went out and came back with a few of his fellow elephants and got a beer from the bartender.

The other customers were amazed and asked how he did it.

The elephant said, “You need to make yourself herd.”

Taking snails out of their shells won’t make them go faster.

On the contrary, it makes them more sluggish.

Have you ever tried shooting a bow and arrow while wearing a blindfold?

You don’t know what you’re missing.

What do Jedi use to open PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi.