Witty Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Which Woman in the Bible Are You?

I took the “Which woman in the Bible are you?” quiz. My result: “Some whore.”

I was gonna plan a vacation in Great Britain, but money’s a little tight, so Pretty Good Britain it is.

Hey, sour teen wearing a hoodie and tiny miniskirt with knee socks combo: Have you considered that it’s your outfit making you unhappy?

Saw a headline: “Scandal Rocks Vatican.” If the Pope really wants to appeal to young people, he needs to get newer bands than that.

I got kicked out of my charades club for “gratuitous” nudity. But without disrobing and flopping, how would anybody have guessed “Elephant Man”?

“Maybe what you need to be asking yourself is, ‘Who’s Waldo?’” Waldo’s therapist.

In honor of the Olympics, instead of spending the weekend napping, I will be spending the weekend marathon napping.

Reasons for fist-pumping “YES!”

Before kids: Open bar.

After kids: Other child’s mom volunteers to drive both ways.

Weird how people are acting shocked by Ryan Lochte and company acting like idiots, as if they never met any jocks in high school.

“Whatever happened to that guy who isn’t there anymore?” My dad, trying to remember the name of a baseball player.