At first I wanted my son to become the best golfer in the world so he could become rich and respected. Now I want him to become the best golfer in the world so he can introduce me to some lusciously sweet hos.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Pickup lines do NOT work. Last night, eight different women
Pickup lines do NOT work. Last night, eight different women laughed at me and all I said
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All of my men know the Rule of Tits: I have the tits; therefore,
All of my men know the Rule of Tits: I have the tits; therefore, I rule.
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I’m developing a “super fast-acting” laxative for all of us
I’m developing a “super fast-acting” laxative for all of us ultra-busy people. So far I only have the marketing campaign: “Colonow — ’cause you got shit to do!”
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I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I
I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I suppose I need to find someone to do that for me.
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If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be
If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be turned down by women I want to sleep with. Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at handling that kind of rejection.
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(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction
(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction when I found myself asking the pharmacist what I could use to treat penis calluses.
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I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct snow replica I sculpted of him. Maybe it was that baby carrot.
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Don’t you hate it when you get that not-so-fresh feeling and
Don’t you hate it when you get that not-so-fresh feeling and you’re miles away from the ladies’ room and your panties are bunching up and on top of everything else, your balls itch, too?
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My wife and I just love experimenting in the kitchen! Last week
My wife and I just love experimenting in the kitchen! Last week we tried deviled eggs flavored with orange zest and Thai sriracha sauce. The week before that I banged her on the top dishwasher rack while she shoved a wire whisk up my ass.
