I’ve been trying to come up with a good tree joke, but I’m stumped.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Push and Pull
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. They’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
“Push and Pull.”
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Took Me Back
The other day, I was thinking about the time I put my very first car into reverse. Man, that took me back.
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Repulsing
Say what you will about CPR, but I find it repulsing.
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Ruthless
A friend of mine just texted his girlfriend Ruth and told her that it’s over between them. I can’t believe that he did that over text.
He’s Ruthless.
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All of the Letters I Had Hidden
My wife accused me of cheating after she found all of the letters I had hidden.
Now she refuses to play Scrabble with me.
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Albert and the Divorce Court
Albert wanted to divorce his wife, so they went to court.
Judge: “Are you sure you still want to divorce your wife?”
Albert: “Yes, Your Honor. I’m serious.”
Judge: “Don’t you regret it?”
Albert: “How could I not? Why should I keep a wife who goes out every night to cafés, bars, and clubs?”
Judge: “Does your wife drink alcohol?”
Albert: “Uh… no, sir.”
Judge: “Does she like dancing and partying?”
Albert: “Not really, sir.”
Judge: “Then what does she do every night in those places?”
Albert: “She’s looking for me, sir.”
