Of all the movie lines I’ve quoted in an effort to pick up a guy, City Slickers’ “I shit bigger than you” is probably my least successful.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I’ll stop masturbating when they pry my cock from my cold dead
I’ll stop masturbating when they pry my cock from my cold dead hands. Or vice versa. (John “Schmitty” )Schmidt I love online sex. It gives me the chance to play the sex kitten, coming on to guys and driving them into frenzies
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Ruminations are a lot like farts: You always like your own the best
Ruminations are a lot like farts: You always like your own the best.
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Gorgeous as they are, I’m nevertheless terrified of looking at
Gorgeous as they are, I’m nevertheless terrified of looking at my girlfriend’s breasts. Maybe I have A-rack-nophobia.
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(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives.
(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives. Today I’m grateful for the 99.9% of the time my anus knows the difference between a gas and another state of matter.
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Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw
Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw the stickshift condom, yet he still gave me a ticket for reckless driving, too.
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I like dating really short guys so that when we get into a
I like dating really short guys so that when we get into a fight, I can piss them off by saying, “We’re not currently seeing tit-to-eye.”
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Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing
Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing what not to say. That’s why I never talk about my farts, no matter how much they sound like Donald Duck playing the kazoo.
