I’ll stop masturbating when they pry my cock from my cold dead hands. Or vice versa. (John “Schmitty” )Schmidt I love online sex. It gives me the chance to play the sex kitten, coming on to guys and driving them into frenzies
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Ruminations are a lot like farts: You always like your own the best
Ruminations are a lot like farts: You always like your own the best.
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Gorgeous as they are, I’m nevertheless terrified of looking at
Gorgeous as they are, I’m nevertheless terrified of looking at my girlfriend’s breasts. Maybe I have A-rack-nophobia.
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(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives.
(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives. Today I’m grateful for the 99.9% of the time my anus knows the difference between a gas and another state of matter.
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Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw
Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw the stickshift condom, yet he still gave me a ticket for reckless driving, too.
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I like dating really short guys so that when we get into a
I like dating really short guys so that when we get into a fight, I can piss them off by saying, “We’re not currently seeing tit-to-eye.”
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Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing
Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing what not to say. That’s why I never talk about my farts, no matter how much they sound like Donald Duck playing the kazoo.
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(Stephanie S. Thompson) Every rule has it exception — even the
(Stephanie S. Thompson) Every rule has it exception — even the Golden Rule. If you enjoy receiving anal sex, for example, it would be wise to get permission before you “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
