Last night, I taught my kids about democracy by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.
Then I picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A dreamer
I’d like to see a world without plagiarism. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.
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That’s fare
I asked the cashier “Could you give me small change instead of bills? I need money for the bus.”
She said “That’s fare”
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Dog Ate a Bag of Scrabble Tiles
My dog ate an entire bag of scrabble tiles, so I had to take him to the vet.
No word yet.
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Date Who Drills Holes
My date told me she spends all her free time drilling holes.
I said, “Well… that’s boring.”
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The Donkey With a Low IQ
Did you hear the one about the donkey with a low IQ? Nevermind, it’s a stupid-ass joke.
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Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick — A Perfect Match
Did you hear about the two gay Irish men? They are a perfect match.
Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.
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I just paid $35 for a 2 mile taxi ride to the laundromat. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners.
I just paid $35 for a 2 mile taxi ride to the laundromat. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners.
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Surely I don’t need an umbrella today
I asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”.
Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.Apparently I had left Airplane mode on.
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Camouflage Trousers
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
