Topic: gender

Gender jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • Give Her Another Chance

    A blonde pays $1,000,000 to rent a stadium to prove blondes are smart.

    She fills it with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up on live TV.

    She starts with a simple math question.

    “What’s twenty plus three?” she asks.

    The volunteer thinks for a moment and whispers, “Nine?”

    Instantly, the crowd of 80,000 blondes erupts:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

    The presenter smiles, calms the crowd, and tries again.

    “Okay dear… what’s two plus two?”

    After a long pause, the blonde whispers, “Four?”

    Once again, the stadium roars:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

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  • Password Rejected

    A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’ Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

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  • The New Rules

    A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.

    After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

    “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”

    His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”

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  • Smoke Comes Out Blue Boy Pink Girl

    Smoke Comes Out Blue Boy Pink Girl

  • First Class Isnt Going to Sydney

    A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, walks into first class, and sits down.

    The flight attendant sees this and asks to check her ticket. She explains that the passenger paid for economy and will need to return to her seat.

    The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”

    The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde passenger in first class who belongs in economy and refuses to move.

    The co-pilot goes back and tries to explain, but the blonde just repeats, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”

    Frustrated, the co-pilot tells the pilot they may need to have police waiting when they land.

    The pilot says, “You said she’s blonde? I’ve got this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”

    He walks back, leans down, and whispers something in her ear.

    The blonde immediately says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” gets up, and returns to her seat in economy.

    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed. “What did you say to her?”

    The pilot smiles and says, “I told her first class isn’t going to Sydney.”

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  • Brunette Jokes

    What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
    A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

    What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
    Brown-bagging it.

    What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
    No one else wants it.

    Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
    So brunettes can remember them.

    What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    Invisible.

    What’s a brunette’s mating call?
    “Has the blonde left yet?”

    Why didn’t Indians scalp brunettes?
    The hair from a buffalo’s butt was more manageable.

    Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
    When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

    What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
    The invitation.

    What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
    A hostage.

    Who makes bras for brunettes?
    Fisher-Price.

    Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
    It matches their mustache.

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  • How Does a Blonde Hold Her Liquor

    How does a blonde hold her liquor?

    By the ears.

  • A Fifteen Please

    A redhead walks into a bar. She walks up to the bartender and says, “I’d like a RW, please.”

    The bartender says, “What’s a RW, might I inquire?”

    “Red Wine, Duh!”

    The bartender serves her her drink. A brunette walks into the bar. “I’d like a WW, please.”

    “A WW is… what?”

    “White Wine, Duh!”

    Bartender serves her drink. In walks a blonde. “I’d like a Fifteen, please.”

    “What the HELL is a fifteen?”

    “Seven and seven, Duh!”

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  • Types of Men

    Types of men…

    Joe Sensitive – “After I wash the dishes, let’s cuddle, OK?”
    Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup
    Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
    Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

    Old Man Grumpus – “People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let’s stay home and watch TV.”
    Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk
    Advantages: Stays put; predictable
    Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass

    Flinchy – “I–I’m sorry for whatever it was I did.”
    Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
    Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
    Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

    Bigfoot – “Shut yer trap, I’m thinkin’.”
    Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big ‘n’ Dumb
    Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
    Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

    Lazybones – “Zzzzzz”
    Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
    Advantages: Well rested; easy target
    Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams

    The Sneak – “Who, me?”
    Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
    Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
    Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

    Ace of Hearts – “After I wash the dishes let’s make love like crazed weasels, OK?”
    Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
    Advantages: Perpetually aroused
    Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

    The Dreamer – “Someday I’m going to be rich and famous. I don’t know how, but…”
    Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
    Advantages: Tells good stories
    Disadvantages: Will turn into “Old Man Grumpus”

    Mr. Right – “While the servants wash the dishes, let’s make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?”
    Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
    Advantages: Answer to a woman’s prayer
    Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

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