Topic: religion

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?”

“Morris Fishbein,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a fuckin’ wall.”

One day I was talking to an acquaintance at church. He brought up the “secret confessional.” I was confused, and explained I had no clue what he was talking about.

“Oh, well,” he explained, “you see, if you go to the Church’s basement to the confessional and say the secret code, the parish priest will stand up, leave the priest’s compartment, and walk away. Stay put. In a few minutes, you’ll hear a woman open the door to the priest’s compartment. She’ll come inside, then open a latch at about waist height revealing a hole between the two compartments. Then, she’ll put her mouth at the end of the hole and… well, you get the rest.”

“This is ridiculous! Why would a church ever allow that? How did you find out? Come to think of it, there’s no visibility between compartments — how do you know it’s a woman?”

“I mean… c’mon, it’s a church for crying out loud. They’re not gonna allow any gay stuff.”

I was pretty bemused by the interaction, and went straight to the Parish Priest.

“Father, I have to speak with you. I heard a horrible rumor about our church. Someone claims that, if you go to Confessional in the basement and say a secret code, you, Father, will leave the priest’s compartment. Next, a woman will enter soon after. She’ll then reveal a hole in the wall where she then, well, *services* the men, I suppose.”

The priest’s eyes grow wide. He starts, “How *DARE* you make such blasphemy in the house of the Lord. This is a Catholic church, good man. We uphold the word of God here. How dare you accuse a good Christian institution of such horrid depravity. To think, one could stoop so low as to insinuate that this fine Church could commit such sin; to think. Purely disgusting. I never in a hundred years would think someone could be so brazen as to accuse this church of allowing a woman into the Priest’s side of the confessional.”