Do you know how to keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer at a party?
Invite two Baptists.
Do you know how to stop a Catholic from drinking all your beer at a party?
Neither do I.
Topic: religion
Religion jokes, holy weirdness, questionable miracles, and sacred-adjacent punchlines from the part of the internet that definitely heard the thunder.
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The Pope at the Gates of Heaven
The Pope dies and stands before the Gates of Heaven…
He knocks and St. Peter opens the Gate.
St. Peter: “Yes? How can I help you?”
Pope: “I want to speak with God.”
St. Peter: “And you are?”
Pope, frustrated: “I’m the Pope!”
St. Peter: “Doesn’t ring a bell.”
Pope, very angry: “I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH GOD!”
St. Peter closes the Gate and goes to God.
St. Peter: “My Lord, there is someone who wants to talk with you.”
God: “Who?”
St. Peter: “He calls himself the Pope.”
God: “Who is that supposed to be?”
St. Peter: “I don’t know, what should we do with him?”
God: “Let Jesus talk with him, he spent some time down there.”
Jesus goes to the Pope.
A few minutes later Jesus returns laughing like there is no tomorrow.
God: “What’s so funny, Jesus?”
Jesus: “Father, you won’t believe this — that fishing club I founded 2,000 years ago, it still exists!”
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The Pastor and the Post Office
A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies’ room of the gas station…
As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, “Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It’s on the left.”
The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was, and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle, “You’re kidding me, right? You can’t even find the Post Office.”
