In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil, Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
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Unleash ChaosTopic: sex
Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.
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That Big Ape Hasn’t Called
Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they noticed that the huge male gorilla had a massive erection. This fascinated the gay men so much they couldn’t take their eyes off of it.
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When Women Make Gay Men Question Everything
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful woman passes them. She’s 5’10”, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines!
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, “It’s women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!”
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Fireman’s Home Alarm System Gets Misused
A fireman was talking to his wife and told her “We have this really good system down at the station. One bell means that we all grab our gear, two bells means that we all slide down the pole, and three bells means that we all board the fire engine and leave. So that’s what we’re going to do around here. When I say one bell, I want you to take off all of your clothes. When I say two bells, I want you to get in the bed. When I say three bells, we start screwing.”
Later on that night, the fireman said one bell, and his wife began to disrobe.
Then, he said two bells, and his wife jumped into the bed.
Then, he said three bells, and they began to screw.
After a couple of minutes, his wife said “four bells.”
The fireman said “What’s that mean?”
She said “The fire is not out and I need more hose!”
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Wetting My Fingers to Turn the Pages
There was this couple in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on and read a book. As he was reading he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling with her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.
The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, “What are you doing taking all your gear off?”
The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier.”
The husband said, “No, not at all.”
The wife then asked, “Well, what were you doing then?”
“Oh,” he said, “I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!”
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The Condom Flew Across the Room
Why did the condom fly across the room?
Because it got really pissed off.
