Delivery Style: anecdotal

Anecdotal joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A Count or a Cunt

    A kid went away to college and grew a goatee, and was very proud of it. He took a selfie and sent it to his dad with a note:

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    “This makes me look rather like a count, does it not?”

    Dad turns to mom and says, “Kid’s grown a beard, but still can’t spell.”

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  • The Skyscraper

    A country guy visits New York City for the first time. He’s staring up at a tall skyscraper, quietly counting the floors.

    A New Yorker notices and says, “Hey, buddy — around here, it’s a dollar for every floor you count.”

    The country guy nods.

    After a moment, the New Yorker asks, “So, how many floors did you count?”

    “Ten,” the country guy says, handing over $10.

    The New Yorker smirks and walks off.

    A moment later, the country guy chuckles to himself and says, “Joke’s on him… I counted twenty.”

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  • One Hell of an Outdoorsman

    A guy goes in for a physical; the doctor asks about his activity level. “What do you mean?” asks the guy.

    The doctor says, “Well, for example, what did you do yesterday?”

    The guy says, “Yesterday afternoon, I took a five-hour walk, about seven miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and in my eyes. I jumped three feet in the air when I almost stepped on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills and hacked my way through some tall grass. After that I was so exhausted and dehydrated, I drank eight beers.”

    Inspired by the story, the doctor says, “Sounds like you are one hell of an outdoorsman!”

    And the guy says, “Actually, I’m just a really shitty golfer.”

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  • Tom Jones and the Siamese Twins

    A pair of drop-dead gorgeous female Siamese twins who were joined at the hip saw the ad for the concert in the local paper. One of them said, “Hey, Tom Jones is in town! How would you like to go and see him?” They agreed to go, hoping they might get to meet him.

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    Tom Jones did in fact notice them from the stage and asked for them to be sent to his room. After a couple of drinks, he asked them if they would be into any hanky-panky, and one of them definitely was, but the other one not so much. Tom asked the other one what she likes doing, and she said she actually likes to play the trombone, so he picked one up from the horn section so she could keep herself amused while he had his way with the other one.

    A couple of years later, there was another ad in the paper that the twins saw, and one of them said, “Hey, would you like to go see Tom Jones again?”

    The other twin replied, “Do you think he would remember us?”

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  • Mothers Day Lowest Crime

    Mothers Day Lowest Crime

    Fin @gofinurself

    My mom is a prosecutor and every year she brings up the fact that Mother’s Day is the day with the lowest crime. I think that says a lot about how many moms commit crimes throughout the year, but can’t today because they’re too busy being celebrated.

  • That Moth Had a Big Cock

    I was driving along with my young son when we noticed a car driving erratically ahead of us. As we pulled alongside it, ready to overtake, the window came down and a massive dildo — sixteen inches if it was a day — came flying out the window and smacked into our windscreen before flying off to the curb side.

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    My son looked confused for a second before asking, “What was that, Dad?”

    I had to think quick. “That was a moth,” I replied. “Just a moth.”

    He thought about it for a while and said, “Fuck, that moth had a big cock, eh Dad!”

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  • The Rabbi’s Advice

    A guy goes to his rabbi to ask his advice.

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    “Rabbi, I have a court case next week. What should I wear? Should I wear shabby clothes and hope the judge has pity on me, or should I wear my best suit, give some money to the judge and say, ‘You look after me and I’ll look after you’?”

    “Well, my son. You remember how my daughter got married only last week? So, the night before, she came to me with a question: ‘What should I wear that night? The short, see-through negligee my sister gave me, or the long thick nightie mother gave me?’”

    “And the answer I gave her is the answer I give you: It doesn’t matter what you wear — you’re going to get fucked.”

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  • Three Tough Rats

    Three rats were sitting around talking. The subject turned to how tough they were.

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    The first rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the traps they set out for us? I undo the latch and work out with them.”

    The second rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the poison pellets they set out for us? I chop ’em up with a razor blade and snort it.”

    The third rat starts to leave, and the other two ask him where he’s going.

    The third rat replied, “I’m going upstairs to fuck the cat.”

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  • Best Costume

    A sure-fire way to win “best costume” at the next Halloween party is to have somebody embed a real chainsaw blade into your shoulder.

    Timing is crucial, though — you don’t want to pass out from loss of blood after 10 minutes, long before the costume judging begins, like I did.

  • Eaton / Dayton

    I was datin’ this girl from Eaton.

    Or maybe it was the other way around and she was from Dayton.