I sometimes fool my neighbours into thinking I’m good in bed by hiding my girlfriend’s inhaler. They can hear her out of breath shouting “give it to me, just fucking give it to me, pleeeeease give it to me”.
Delivery Style: bait and switch
Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I Knew Where He Lived
I scared the mailman yesterday by going to the door completely naked…
I’m not sure what freaked him out more… my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
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My Boss Is Like a Fine Wine
My boss is like a fine wine. All I want to do is drive a corkscrew into him but my co-workers keep saying, “Not yet, let’s wait for a special occasion.”
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Taking Out the Bodies of the Previous Owners
I really enjoy taking out the trash from my new home. It’s hard to explain, but walking the trash to the curb the night before trash day really makes me feel like a homeowner. Especially now that I’ve taken out the bodies of the previous owners.
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Uncle Brian Takes Monopoly Very Seriously
After getting sent to jail, I was immediately held down over a table and violently assaulted.
Uncle Brian takes Monopoly very seriously….
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Carrots Are Good for Your Memory
Carrots are good for your memory.
Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.
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Stephen King Has a Son Named Joe
Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I’m not joking, but he is.
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How’s It Hangin
If you ever make the grueling trek to speak to the wise old man who lives at the top of the mountain and he lets you ask one question of him, don’t make the mistake I did and blurt out, “How’s it hangin’?”
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Potential vs. Reality: A Million Dollar Lesson
A son asked his father: “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)
His father replied: “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said: “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”
The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
His father then said: “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son, getting rather irritated, did this. He returned and said: “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman. Please tell me, what’s the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looked at him and said: “This family has the potential to make $3,000,000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!
