I was reminiscing with an old school friend the other day.
I said, “Do you remember when the sun would rise in the morning and set in the evening?”
He said, “Ahhh, those were the days…”
Delivery Style: dialogue
Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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An Ad for a Husband
A woman places an ad for a husband: Must not lay a hand to me, must not run around on me, and must be good in bed.
A couple of days later the doorbell rings and she answers the door.
Sitting on her porch is a man in a wheelchair with no arms nor legs.
She says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood the ad.”
The man asks, “Why? I have no arms, so I won’t lay a hand to you, and I have no legs, so I won’t run around on you.”
The woman replies, “But the ad also said you had to be good in bed.”
The man says, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
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The Height of a Flagpole
Two blondes are trying to estimate the height of a flagpole.
A builder walks past and they explain their problem. He says, “That’s simple, ladies, watch this.”
He unbolts it, lies it flat and measures it. One blonde says to the other blonde, “What a DICK, need to know the height not the fkn length.”
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Two Boys at the Pharmacy
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy, pick out a box of tampons, and take them to the checkout.
The pharmacist looks at the older boy.
“How old are you, son?”
“Eight.”
“Do you know what these are used for?”
“Not exactly,” the boy replies. “They’re not for me. They’re for my brother. He’s four.”
“Oh, really?” the pharmacist asks.
“Yeah. We saw on TV that if you use these, you can swim, play tennis, and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do any of those.”
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A Trained Crocodile
A circus claims to have a truly unique attraction: a trained crocodile.
The crocodile shows some truly astonishing skills like jumping through a burning hoop, riding a bicycle, and even smoking a pipe.
At the end of the show, the crocodile’s trainer instructs the orchestra to play a dramatic flourish as he unzips his pants and places his member into the crocodile’s open mouth. The crocodile then gently closes its mouth until the trainer gives it a good, solid whack between the eyes, upon which the crocodile lets go of his member without as much as a scratch. The audience erupts in applause until the trainer gestures for them to be quiet.
“Any gentleman within the audience who is willing to repeat this, I will give them $1,000 in cash!” he proclaims. Nobody answers, so he ups the ante to $2,000, then $3,000 and even $4,000 until, when he calls out: “Alright, then, $5,000!” a man in the audience stands up.
“I’ll do it! But on one condition!”
“And what would that be?” asks the trainer.
“Don’t hit me between the eyes like that.”
