Delivery Style: dialogue

Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • So The CIA Cant Hear Us

    So The CIA Cant Hear Us

  • Ball Type Deodorant Under My Arms

    Ball Type Deodorant Under My Arms

  • The Pope at the Gates of Heaven

    The Pope dies and stands before the Gates of Heaven…

    He knocks and St. Peter opens the Gate.

    St. Peter: “Yes? How can I help you?”

    Pope: “I want to speak with God.”

    St. Peter: “And you are?”

    Pope, frustrated: “I’m the Pope!”

    St. Peter: “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

    Pope, very angry: “I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH GOD!”

    St. Peter closes the Gate and goes to God.

    St. Peter: “My Lord, there is someone who wants to talk with you.”

    God: “Who?”

    St. Peter: “He calls himself the Pope.”

    God: “Who is that supposed to be?”

    St. Peter: “I don’t know, what should we do with him?”

    God: “Let Jesus talk with him, he spent some time down there.”

    Jesus goes to the Pope.

    A few minutes later Jesus returns laughing like there is no tomorrow.

    God: “What’s so funny, Jesus?”

    Jesus: “Father, you won’t believe this — that fishing club I founded 2,000 years ago, it still exists!”

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  • The Blonde and the River

    A blonde was staring dumbfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side.

    She yelled, “Hey, can you help me get to the other side?”

    The other blonde replied, “You ARE on the other side!”

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  • Sister Sally and the Gin

    Sister Sally goes into the liquor store and asks for a pint of gin.

    The clerk is taken aback. “Sister. What are you doing buying such a thing?”

    “It’s okay,” replied Sister Sally. “It’s for the Mother Superior’s constipation.”

    “Oh well then that’s okay.” And he sells her the gin.

    After he closes up shop, he’s walking home and sees Sister Sally on the park bench absolutely blotto, just sloppy and singing bawdy songs and making a spectacle of herself.

    “Sister!” he cried. “I thought you said the gin was for the Mother Superior’s constipation!”

    “It is,” replied the Sister. “When she sees me like this she’s gonna shit!”

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  • Is There Baseball in Heaven

    Two elderly Jews, Abe and Solomon, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons, and talking about baseball, like they do every single day.

    Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”

    Sol thinks about this for a minute, and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal: If I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you can do the same for me.”

    They shake on it, and sadly, a couple of months later, Abe passes on.

    One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol… Sol…”

    Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”

    “Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost.

    Sol, still amazed, asks, “So… Is there baseball in heaven?”

    “Well,” says Abe, “there’s good news, and there’s bad news.”

    “Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.

    Abe says, “Well, I can tell you that there IS baseball in heaven!”

    Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that???”

    Abe sighs sadly, and whispers, “You’re pitching for us on Friday…”

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  • Coffee on the Captain

    Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

    “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and… OH, MY GOD!”

    Silence followed and passengers waited with bated breath.

    Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”

    One Irish passenger yelled, “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. YOU SHOULD SEE THE BACK OF MINE!!!”

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  • Four Foot Long Rubber Penis Medicinal Use

    Four Foot Long Rubber Penis Medicinal Use

  • Milton and the Chainsaw

    Milton went to the store and bought a chainsaw. The next day, he brings it back, mad, and says, “Look, you told me that this chainsaw would cut down 25 trees in an hour and I spent all day yesterday and only cut 1 down.”

    The clerk says, “Let me check it to see if it’s working right.” He starts it right up no problem and BRRRRRR!!!!

    Milton jumps back in surprise and says, “What the hell is that noise?”

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  • The Pastor and the Post Office

    A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies’ room of the gas station…

    As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, “Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”

    The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It’s on the left.”

    The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was, and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

    The little boy replied with a chuckle, “You’re kidding me, right? You can’t even find the Post Office.”

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