A husband asked his wife to try a new sex position. She was in an adventurous but shy mood so she agreed but asked if they could do it in the dark.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosDelivery Style: dialogue
Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Youll Never Hit Her From Here
Two guys were out playing golf.
Dan stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity – looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.
Finally his exasperated friend Ken cried, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot,” answered Dan.
“Forget it, man,” said Ken. “You’ll never hit her from here.”
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Traumatized by the Ninth Grade
Wife approaches her husband while he is reading a book.
“Promise me you won’t get mad,” the wife whispered, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Her husband looked up from his book. “I promise. What’s going on?”
“And you won’t hit me?” she pressed.
The husband laughed, pulled her close, and said, “I have never laid a hand on you and I never will. You can tell me anything.”
She closed her eyes and braced herself for a slap. “I’m pregnant.”
“That’s incredible news!” Husband shouted, over the moon. “Why would you think I’d be angry about that?”
Wife wiped her brow and said, “I guess I’m just traumatized. Because when I told my mom the same thing in the 9th grade, she nearly killed me.”
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Already Working on a Murder Case
A dizzy blonde decided she wanted to be a police detective. She visited her local police station to apply for a job and approached the desk sergeant.
The officer decided to have some fun and asked her a few questions.
“First, what’s a silver dollar made of?”
She thought for a moment before answering, “Um… Silver?”
“Good. Now, what color is a New York taxi?”
“Erm… Yellow, I think?”
“Very good,” said the officer. “Now, a more difficult one – who killed John F. Kennedy?”
She scratched her head and thought for a minute before saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”
The officer said, “Go home, think about it some more, and come back tomorrow.”
That night, she called her friend, who asked if she got the job.
She said, “Not only did I get the job… I’m already working on a murder case.”
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Little Johnny Loses Grandpa
Little Johnny got lost in the shopping mall…
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
The guard asked, “What’s his name?”
“Grandpa.”
The guard smiled, then asked, “What’s he like?”
The boy paused for a moment, then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits!”
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Little Johnny and the Mortgage
Little Johnny wanted a $200 bike, but his dad shut him down fast:
“Son, we have an $80,000 mortgage and I just got fired. No bike. Period.”
Two days later, Johnny is at the front door with a suitcase, looking like he’s moving to Mexico.
His dad asks, “Where the heck are you going?”
Johnny looks him dead in the eye and says:
“Look, I walked past your bedroom this morning. I heard you tell Mom you were ‘pulling out,’ and Mom said she was ‘coming too.’ Well, I’m not an idiot! I’m leaving now because I’ll be damned if I’m the only one left here to pay off that $80,000 mortgage!”
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The Elevator Operator
I took an elevator up to the 69th floor for a meeting and as I was getting out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I grumbled, “Don’t call me son. You’re not my dad.”
He scratched his head. “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
After my meeting, I got back on the elevator to go back down and the same operator was there.
I didn’t say anything to him, but when we got to the ground floor, he said to me, “I’m sorry.”
“Because you thought you were my dad?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “No, son, because I let you down.”
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Boat for Sale
An old woman goes to the newspaper office after her husband died.
She says to the person at the front desk that she needs to get an obituary published for her husband.
She gets brought into an office and is asked what she wants the obituary to say.
The woman thinks and says, “Fred Smith died.”
The reporter looks at her and says, “Ma’am, you can have it say more than that if you want.”
So the little old lady thinks for a second and says, “Fred Smith died. Boat for sale.”
