Delivery Style: dialogue

Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Missionary and the Chief

    There was once a missionary preaching in a small African tribe. The people there loved him, and every day more were converted.

    But one day, a white baby was born to one of the women in the tribe. The chief immediately sent for the missionary and demanded to know why he had broken the commandments he had so lovingly taught to his people.

    The missionary, having been a devout Christian his entire life, asked to see the child. Upon viewing the baby, it became clear that this baby was an albino. The missionary attempted to explain this to the chief, saying: “Chief, this child suffers from a condition of the skin which changed its color to white. As an example, look upon your flocks of sheep. All are white, except for one which is black.”

    The chief cut him off, saying, “OK, I won’t tell about the baby, if you don’t tell about the sheep.”

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  • On a scale of 1-8 how old are you?

    On a scale of 1-8 how old are you?

    Doctor – On a scale of 1-8 how old are you?

    Kid – It stops at 8?

    Doctor – It does for you

  • A Blind Man Walks Into a Store

    A blind man walks into a store with his seeing-eye dog. Once inside, he suddenly picks up the dog by its leash and begins swinging it around in circles over his head.

    The panicked store manager runs up and asks, “Sir, sir! Can I help you?”

    The man replies, “No thank you. Just looking around.”

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  • A Survivor in Heaven

    A survivor of the Holocaust dies and goes to heaven, whereupon they are met by God.

    “Welcome!” says God. “What’s the news from Earth?”

    “Well,” says the survivor, “I learned a funny joke. Want to hear it?”

    “Sure,” says God.

    The survivor starts telling the joke. “Okay, so one day Hitler announces, ‘I’m going to kill 6 million Jews and 1 clown.’”

    “Wait,” says God, “Why 1 clown?”

    “Aha! See? No one cares about the Jews!”

    There’s a beat. God realizes that was the punchline.

    God is not amused. “I don’t find Holocaust jokes very funny.”

    “Ah, well, I guess you had to be there.”

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  • Overnight at the Grandkids

    Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their grandkids overnight.

    When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his grandson’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

    The grandson said, “I don’t think you should take one. They’re very strong and very expensive.”

    “How much?” asked Grandpa.

    “$20 a pill,” he replied.

    “I don’t care,” said Grandpa. “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.”

    The next morning, the grandson found $120 under his pillow.

    He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $20, not $120.”

    “I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”

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  • Walking Her to the Front Door

    A guy walks his girlfriend to her front door after a date. He leans lazily against the house.

    “So?” he says.

    “So?” she replies.

    “So, how about a blowjob?”

    “Are you crazy? My parents might see us!”

    “Come on, who’s going to see us at this hour? I’ll return the favour.”

    “Can you imagine if we got caught? Oh my god, what my father would do to you.”

    “There’s no one around. They’re all asleep.”

    “No way, it’s far too risky.”

    “But I love you so much.”

    A light comes on and the front door opens. The girl’s sister appears in her night clothes. She says, “Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if needs be, he’ll do it himself. But for god’s sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.”

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  • Stop Fucking My Ass

    A priest and a voluptuous young woman were alone at the church.

    “Ohhh, Father!” whispered the woman into his ear. “Don’t you just wanna come and fuck my pussy?”

    “Good heavens, my child, no!” cried the horrified priest. “Always remember: God gave you your womanhood solely for you to bear children with a man who’s your husband.”

    “Fine, Father,” said the woman. “Then what about if I give you a blowjob instead?”

    “Lord have mercy, my child!” exclaimed the priest. “Don’t you know that your mouth should always be holy and only be used to pray and worship the Lord?”

    “You’re right, Father,” conceded the young woman. “So maybe I can give you a handjob?”

    “I wouldn’t dream of defiling you like that, child,” admonished the priest. “Your hands were given to you by God so you could accomplish His good works. They should never be used for filthy deeds.”

    Then the woman finally lost her patience:

    “ALRIGHT THEN, FATHER!! Then just stop fucking my ass, ’cause it’s hurting me a lot!”

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  • New Prisoner Tries the Numbered Joke System

    A man is sentenced to prison for a non-violent crime. He’s scared, but on the first night he notices something strange.

    It’s after lights out and all the inmates are in their cells, when a voice from one of the cells yells out, “2467!” And all cells resound with laughter.

    After a brief silence, another voice shouts out, “7113!” Again, all the other inmates burst out laughing in their cells.

    Puzzled, he asks his neighbor what’s going on. “We love to tell jokes at night,” comes the reply. “But since we’ve been here so long we know them all and have them numbered. So we just yell out the number!”

    This goes on for some time. At last, wanting to get in on the action, he decides to try his luck. He boldly shouts out, “557!”

    But there is an awkward silence. After a while the sounds die down and it seems like everyone is settling down for bed.

    He asks his neighbor what the problem was.

    “What can I say, kid. It’s just your delivery that stinks.”

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  • Surely I don’t need an umbrella today

    I asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”.
    Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

    Apparently I had left Airplane mode on.

  • Neighbor Can’t Sleep at 2am

    My neighbor knocked on my door at 2am this morning and said, “I can’t sleep.”

    “Well it’s your lucky day,” I said. “We’ve got a party going on in here, come in.”