m@thew @TweetPotato314
wife: why r u putting garlic in ur pants
me: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass
wife: why would dracula try to eat ur ass
me: he won’t. the garlic- r u even listening
Delivery Style: dialogue
Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Deer
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me…
“How do you know it was on its way to work?”
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Hotel Room 332 – I Assume the Porn Is Disabled? No It’s Only Regular Porn You Sick Fuck
hotel: room 332, enjoy ur stay
dad: i assume the porn is disabled?
hotel: no it’s only regular porn you sick fuck
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I Should Probably Pull Out – They’ve Already Done the Autopsy
ME: I SHOULD PROBABLY PULL OUT
OTHER ME: DUDE, THEY’VE ALREADY DONE THE AUTOPSY
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This Is My Blood Given Unto You – Cyanide and Happiness
THIS IS MY BLOOD, GIVEN UNTO YOU.
AND THIS IS MY BODY.
I DON’T FEEL VERY COMFORTABLE ABOUT THIS, JESUS.
MORE BLOOD?
Cyanide and Happiness © Explosm.net
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Does Your Mom Count? – Heavy Machinery Interview
interviewer: any experience operating heavy machinery?
guy: does your mom count?
interviewer: lmao fuck you’re hired
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Why Am I Black and You’re White? Lucky You Don’t Bark
A boy asks his mom, “Why am i black and you’re white?”
Mom replied, “Don’t even go there. The way that party went. You’re lucky you don’t bark”
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Your Word Is Seaward – C-U-N… Please No Jesus Stop
moderator: your word is ‘seaward’
spelling bee contestant: C-U-N…
moderator: please no jesus stop
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Looking to Purchase a Kitten Under – Must Be in Mint Condition
Looking to purchase a kitten under 10$. Must be in mint condition
I have a black baby
Looking for a kitten but thanks
Lol it is a kitten
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So Fred, You’re 97! What’s Your Secret?
Reporter: So Fred, you’re 97! What’s your secret?
Fred: I sucked a cock for a watch once.
Reporter: I meant secret of your longevity.
Fred: Oh! Fruits and vegetables.
