I asked my cousin what his favorite grade in school was.
“3rd.”
“Why?”
“Best two years of my life.”
Delivery Style: dialogue
Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The End of the Line
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more.
“Can you give me some more details on this job?” he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the examination. There’s an annual salary of $75,000, but you’re going to have to go to Perth – other side of the country.”
The man says, “Oh, is that where the job is?”
The clerk says, “No sir. That’s where the end of the line is right now.”
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Your Feet Were Too Far Apart
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her coming to the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back so early?”
“I was stung by a bee,” she said.
“Where?” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole,” she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, “Then your feet were too far apart.”
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Schedule My Husband for Next Week
A woman goes to the dentist and asks, “How much to pull two wisdom teeth?”
The dentist says, “$100.”
She replies, “That’s too much. Can’t you do it for less?”
The dentist says, “I can do it for $50 if I skip the anesthetic.”
“Still too much,” she says. “Any cheaper?”
The dentist says, “I could let my trainee do it for $20, but she’s never pulled a tooth before and it would be quite painful.”
“Perfect,” the woman says. “Schedule my husband for next week.”
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The Boy Who Didnt Know How to Pray
At dinner, a little boy was asked to lead the prayer. “But I don’t know how to pray,” he replied.
“Just pray for your family members, friends, neighbors, the poor, etc.” “Okay,” stuttered the boy.
“Dear Lord, Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won’t come again.
Forgive our neighbor’s son who removed my sister’s clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy’s iPhone…
And provide shelter for the homeless men who visit Mom’s room when Daddy is at work. Amen.”
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Oral Sex Aint Much Fun
A hillbilly couple is lying in bed.
Otis turns to his wife and says, “Fuck you.”
A minute goes by and then Rita Mae turns to Otis and says, “Fuck you.”
Another couple of minutes pass and Otis says, “Fuck you” again to his wife.
This back and forth goes on for a bit longer when Otis finally turns to his wife and says, “You know, oral sex ain’t much fun.”
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You Wanted Me to Say Shingles
A man claims he has the smartest dog in the world. His friend doesn’t believe him.
“Prove it,” the friend says.
The man points to his dog and says, “Go get me something to eat.”
The dog runs off and comes back with a sandwich.
“Lucky guess,” says the friend.
The man tries again: “Go get me something to drink.”
The dog runs off and comes back with a soda.
The friend is impressed but still skeptical.
“Alright… ask him something harder.”
The man nods and says, “What’s on top of a house?”
The dog barks, “Roof!”
The friend laughs. “That’s it? Any dog could do that!”
The dog looks at him and says, “You wanted me to say shingles?”
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The Siskel and Ebert
A husband asked his wife to try a new sex position. She was in an adventurous but shy mood so she agreed but asked if they could do it in the dark.
Following his directions, she got on all fours and was surprised to find herself being entered by both holes at once.
“Oh, that’s actually very nice, but how are you doing it?”
“It’s all in the name my darling. It’s called the Siskel and Ebert.”
“The Siskel and Ebert? What on earth does that mean?”
“Two thumbs up!”
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Youll Never Hit Her From Here
Two guys were out playing golf.
Dan stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity – looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.
Finally his exasperated friend Ken cried, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot,” answered Dan.
“Forget it, man,” said Ken. “You’ll never hit her from here.”
