Delivery Style: misdirection

I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I

I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I suppose I need to find someone to do that for me.
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct

I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct snow replica I sculpted of him. Maybe it was that baby carrot.
My wife and I just love experimenting in the kitchen! Last week

My wife and I just love experimenting in the kitchen! Last week we tried deviled eggs flavored with orange zest and Thai sriracha sauce. The week before that I banged her on the top dishwasher rack while she shoved a wire whisk up my ass.
Yelling through the bathroom stall partition, I asked my regular

Yelling through the bathroom stall partition, I asked my regular glory hole chick if she would be interested in taking things to the next level, but she just gave me lip service.
bowel movement and the series of “Batman” movies they made back

bowel movement and the series of “Batman” movies they made back in the 1990s: They both went on a lot longer than I expected.
I wonder if the guy who invented the vibrator heard a strange

I wonder if the guy who invented the vibrator heard a strange little voice whispering to him: “Build it and they will cum.”
My boyfriend ran out on me. Luckily I’d used rechargeable batteries

My boyfriend ran out on me. Luckily I’d used rechargeable batteries.
I think that woman at the animal shelter is overreacting. I

I think that woman at the animal shelter is overreacting. I never said I wanted to adopt a kitten; I said I wanted a little pussy.
Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my

Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my laptop is between me and the cleaning lady who digs the tissues out of my trash bin.
There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the

There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the same time lamenting the deeds of my past and wondering what punishment I might have to suffer in the future. Alas, such is the paradox of my religion, the Karma Sutra.