Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A man got on the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde woman.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he looks at her and says, “It’s golf balls.”
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she empathetically asks, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
A drug store owner walks in and notices a man leaning stiffly against the wall.
He asks the clerk, “What’s wrong with that guy?”
The clerk says, “He came in looking for something for a cough. We were out of cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxatives.”
The owner shouts, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
The clerk replies, “Oh yeah? Look at him… he’s afraid to cough.”
A nice, calm, and respectable woman walks into a pharmacy, goes straight to the pharmacist, looks him in the eye, and says, “I’d like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asks, “Why on earth do you need cyanide?”
The woman replies, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes widen, and he exclaims, “My God! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! We’ll both go to jail! Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looks at the photo and replies, “Well, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
Ed and Nancy met on a singles cruise, and from the moment Ed saw her, he was absolutely captivated. They spent the days dancing under the stars, sharing long conversations by the deck rail, and laughing over fancy cocktails.
When they returned home and realized they lived just a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. Without hesitation, he began asking her out.
In the weeks that followed, Ed took Nancy to dance clubs, candlelit dinners, concerts, movies, and museums. Every date was better than the last, and with each passing moment, Ed grew more certain—Nancy was the one.
To celebrate the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed planned something special: a romantic evening at an elegant restaurant.
As they sipped their cocktails, waiting for their salads, Ed took a deep breath, straightened his tie, and cleared his throat.
“Nancy,” he began, his eyes warm with sincerity, “I think you can tell—I’m completely in love with you. But before we take the next step, I need to be upfront about something.”
Nancy leaned in, intrigued.
Ed continued, “Before I reach into my jacket for a certain little box and ask you a life-changing question, there’s something you should know. I’m a golf fanatic. I play, I read about it, I watch it on TV—I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s a deal-breaker, now’s the time to tell me.”
Nancy took a slow sip of her drink, set it down, and smiled. “Ed, that won’t be a problem at all. I love you just the way you are, and I love golf too!”
She paused, then added, “But since we’re being completely honest… I should tell you that for the last five years, I’ve been a hooker.”
Ed blinked. His mind raced. Then, after a brief pause, he leaned in with a knowing grin and said,
“Well, that’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you swing.”
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink…
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, “Did anyone see a gorilla run through here?”
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, “You mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?”
The lion exclaims, “Oh my gosh! It’s in the paper already?”
An Amish husband, wife, and son travel to the city on vacation.
While the mother shops, the father and son stand in awe in front of an elevator, having no idea what it is.
As they watch, an elderly woman slowly walks into the strange silver doors. The doors close, and the father and son watch the numbers light up as the elevator rises… then pauses, and comes back down.
A moment later, the doors open and a beautiful young woman steps out.
The son stares in amazement and asks, “Dad… what just happened?”
The father leans over and whispers, “I’m not sure, son… but quick, go get your mother!”
A journalist heard about an incredibly smart pig out in the country, so he decided to go and check it out.
He arrives at the farm and meets the owner.
“I’ve heard your pig is exceptionally intelligent,” the journalist says. “Could you tell me why?”
“Well, I’ll tell ya,” the farmer replies. “The other day, my pregnant wife’s water broke all of a sudden. The pig saw it happen. He ran out into the yard, saw me working out in the field, and jumped up on the tractor. He started the engine and leaned on the horn as hard as he could. I heard the racket, rushed back to the house, and was able to get my wife to the hospital just in time.”
“Wow, that’s truly impressive!” says the journalist.
“Oh, but it gets even crazier! The other day, I was working on the grain auger. I don’t know what happened, but I must not have turned the tractor off right, because the auger started spinning. My hand got caught in it, and it started pulling me in. I thought for sure I was gonna lose my arm. But then, that pig came charging out. He jumped into the tractor, cut the ignition, and ran over to pull me free. Once my hand was out—it was pretty banged up—he reached into my pocket, grabbed my phone in his mouth, and I don’t know how he did it, but he dialed 911. I was able to talk to the paramedics; they got here fast and saved my arm.”
Stunned, the journalist asks to see the pig.
The farmer leads him over to the pen and shows him a pig with only three legs.
The journalist, totally baffled, asks: “Wait, why does he only have three legs?”
“Well, heck!” the farmer says. “A pig that smart? You don’t eat him all at once!”
I left my car unattended with my accordion on view in the front passenger seat. When I got back, someone had broken into my car
and left another accordion.
