I recently had someone tell me to stop being an idiot and to be myself.
I told them to make up their mind.
Delivery Style: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I just paid $35 for a 2 mile taxi ride to the laundromat. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners.
I just paid $35 for a 2 mile taxi ride to the laundromat. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners.
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My Cousin Walter’s Pet Problem
A few months ago, my cousin Walter showed up at the emergency room with a cat lodged in his ass.
The family decided to write it off as a freak accident and agreed never to mention it again.
But a few days later, he was back in the hospital! Different cat. Same ass.
So yesterday, when I saw Walter at the pet store in the mall trying to buy another cat, I stopped him and said:
“Walter, every cat you buy ends up stuck in your ass. At this point, you have to admit the cats aren’t the problem.”
Walter sighed and replied:
“Okay, genius. How the hell do you suggest I get the gerbil out?”
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Push and Pull
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. They’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
“Push and Pull.”
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The Sham Rock
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring…
The stone was cut in the shape of a four-leaf clover.
I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller’s.
Unfortunately, they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
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Her Mouth Would Be an Airport
I’m not saying she is a whore, but if dicks had wings, her mouth would be an airport.
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The Italian Chef Passed Away
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
He pastaway.
Cannoli do so much.
Now hes just a pizza history. -
Incomplete Download
I think my porn was not completely downloaded
