What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Delivery Style: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Cracks Started to Appear
My wife denied she was a lesbian but it wasn’t long before cracks started to appear in our marriage.
-
Why Is the Bible Like a Penis
Why is the Bible like a penis?
You get it forced down your throat by a priest.
-
The Worst Thing About Being an Atheist
What’s the worst thing about being an atheist?
You have nobody to talk to when you’re having an orgasm.
-
I’m Dreading It
I’m not a hairdresser, but a friend of mine asked me to do their hair like a Rastafarian.
I’m dreading it.
-
Show Him Your Badge and Warrant
A DEA officer had a tip that a farmer was growing weed and showed up to inform the farmer that he would be searching the farm for illegal marijuana plants.
The farmer said: “I do not consent to a search without a warrant.”
At which point the DEA pulled out his badge and a signed warrant and said: “THIS gives me the authoritah to search wherever I want.”
So the farmer said: “Okay, but stay out of that field,” pointing to a fenced-in field.
The DEA says: “Then that is where I will start.”
The farmer just shrugged and went back to work.
A few minutes later the DEA agent was screaming and the farmer came to see the DEA agent running and diving, trying to avoid being gored by the farmer’s large bull. The DEA agent was yelling for help. The farmer shouted: “SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE AND WARRANT!!!”
-
Lying
Coming to the end of an initial assessment, the psychiatrist asks his new patient, “Okay, habits. Do you drink?”
The patient says, “No.”
“Smoke?”
“No.”
“Do drugs?”
“No.”
“Cheat on your wife?”
“Never.”
“Amazing,” says the shrink. “Any bad habits at all?”
And the patient says, “Lying.”
-
I Became Transparent
When my son came out as a girl, I told her she could no longer see me.
It’s cause I became transparent.
