Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, “Where does you go to school?”
The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question.
“Yale,” she replied.
The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, “WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?”
Bubba pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he’d first had sex.
“It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,” Bubba recalled.
“That sounds wonderful,” said Brian.
“Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.”
“Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?”
“Baaaaaaa.”
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Sometimes at the office, my co-worker tells me I drink too much coffee and makes fun of me by saying I’m “shaking like a crack whore.” Good thing she doesn’t know what I do in my off-hours.
A Mid-Westerner walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Mid-Westerner is suitably impressed, and buys it.
The next day he brings it back and says, “This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAMN DAY!”
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the Mid-Westerner says, “What’s that noise?”
They say the atmosphere is 78 percent nitrogen and 22 percent oxygen. And when I become world-renowned for being the first person to discover the border where they combine, I’ll just sit back and laugh my ass off.
A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast.
“Bacon, eggs, perhaps some toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit and a cup of fresh coffee.”
He declines, “It’s the Viagra,” he says, “it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunch time she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of homemade soup, maybe with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?”
Again he declines. “No thanks. It’s the Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a super burger. “Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or how about a tasty stir fry? That’ll only take a couple of minutes…?”
Once more he declines, “Again, thanks, but it’s the Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
“Well then,” she replies, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m fucking STARVING!”
One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.
“I am the pharmacist,” she informed him.
“Oh, in that case forget it,” he replied and started to leave.
“Young man,” the lady said to him, “My sister and I have been pharmacists for forty years and there is nothing we haven’t heard, so what is your problem?”
“Well,” the young man said reluctantly, “I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won’t go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I masturbate or how many times I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?”
“I’ll have to go in the back and talk to my sister,” she informed him. About ten minutes later she came back.
“Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is $600 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy.”
A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male/female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this — when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better — your ear or your finger?”
