My hand right after I wake up in the morning:
On my way woody!
Delivery Style: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Only Chick Raw Dog
The only chick you can fuck raw dog without having to worry about paying child support
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Girl Without Arms Bed
Just remember that somewhere out there, a girl without arms… is trying to make her bed.
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Daddy Longlegs Stomps Out Gay Spiders
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”
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Swedish Massage With a Twist
A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.
A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.
“You wanna wank?”, she asked.
“You bet,” came the excited reply.
“O.K.,” she said, “I come back in ten minutes.”
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500 Votes Per Boob Electoral College
Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.
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Tonto Kowalski, Nice to Meet You
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?”
He coolly replies, “Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you.”
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Deli Salami: No Slicing Required
A fag walks into a corner deli, takes a number, and waits his turn. Soon, his turn comes up, and the deli boy asks, “Well, what will it be today, sir?”
To this, the fag replies, “I’ll have a half pound of roast beef, a pound of your swiss cheese, and I’ll take that nice long salami you’ve got hanging by the window.”
After slicing the swiss cheese and the beef, the deli boy then asks him, “Sir, would you like me to slice the salami as well?”
To this the fag replies, “Slice the salami?! What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?”
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Love Blooms in Workplace Jealousy
“Darling,” murmured the girl to her boyfriend, “when did you first realize that you were in love with me?”
“Well, I suppose…” whispered the man tenderly, “it was when I started getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a lousy lay.”
