Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A father came home and found his 8-year-old boy sitting on the front porch smoking a cigar. He marched up to the lad, removed the cigar from the boy’s mouth and said, “I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re sitting there smoking that cigar because you just became a father.”
“Hell no, Dad,” said the boy, “Cindy ain’t even reached puberty yet.”
My wife walked in on me watching Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis.
As she left the room she said, “Turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis.”
One bright and cheery Saturday morning, a man hears a knock at his front door and answers it.
The stranger says, “Hello. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, and I am here to enlighten you with some inspirational religious stories.”
After a quick thought, the homeowner says, “Well, come on in.” He takes the stranger to the living room. “Please have a seat and let me bring you a cup of coffee.”
Upon returning with a freshly brewed cup, he says to the stranger, “Now, what about these stories you have to enlighten me with?”
The Jehovah’s Witness says, “Fuck if I know. I never got this far before.”
One day when I was young I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad cutting up onions, and just everything came over me I broke down crying. Onions was such a good dog.
For a wedding gift, a guy decides to tattoo his wife’s name on his penis…
When erect, it proudly reads “Wendy” on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows “Wy”.
While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a “Wy” on his penis.
He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy replies in a Jamaican accent: “No man, why do you ask?”
The husband then explains that he noticed the Wy on his penis and shared that he also has Wy on his and then when erect it says “Wendy”. The stranger then said: “When I have a hard on it says ‘Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.’”
A DEA officer had a tip that a farmer was growing weed and showed up to inform the farmer that he would be searching the farm for illegal marijuana plants.
The farmer said: “I do not consent to a search without a warrant.”
At which point the DEA pulled out his badge and a signed warrant and said: “THIS gives me the authoritah to search wherever I want.”
So the farmer said: “Okay, but stay out of that field,” pointing to a fenced-in field.
The DEA says: “Then that is where I will start.”
The farmer just shrugged and went back to work.
A few minutes later the DEA agent was screaming and the farmer came to see the DEA agent running and diving, trying to avoid being gored by the farmer’s large bull. The DEA agent was yelling for help. The farmer shouted: “SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE AND WARRANT!!!”
There was two people working in a coal mine. It was time for lunch so the two people sat down together; one was a West Virginian, the other a Virginian. While they were eating lunch, the Virginian pulled out a Thermos.
“What is that?” asked the West Virginian.
“A Thermos,” said the Virginian.
“What is it used for?” asked the West Virginian.
“It is used to store hot stuff in it and cold stuff in it,” said the Virginian.
“I’m going to get me one,” said the West Virginian.
So the next week when the West Virginian and the Virginian ate lunch together, the West Virginian pulled out a Thermos.
“What’s in the Thermos?” asked the Virginian.
“A hot dog and a Popsicle,” said the West Virginian.
So anyway this hillbilly took his girl up to lovers peak. They sat down on a log. After a bit Judi says to Jon, “Aren’t the stars purty tonite?”
Jon says “Sure is Judi”.
Judi says “Jon, aren’t the moon purty tonite”.
Jon says “Sure is Judi”.
After a bit Judi says, “Jon, whisper something soft and mushy in my ear”.
So Jon leans over and whispers “Shit”.
Here in Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge–into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Hicks were sittin’ on the porch swing talkin’ bout the good ol’ days when Maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
“Look at the size of that bird, Paw!” she exclaims.
Paw raises up, “Git my gun, Maw.”
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun.
He takes careful aim. BANG…BANG…..BANG…..BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
“I think ya missed him, Paw,” she says.
“Yeah,” he replies, “but at least he let go of ol’ Zeek!”
