Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Three Men Comparing How Dumb Their Blonde Wives Are

    Three men were comparing how dumb their blonde wives were.

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    The first man said, “My wife is so dumb, she can’t do math past the third-grade level!”

    The second man said, “Oh yeah? My wife is so dumb, she thinks Cheerios are earrings!”

    The third man said, “I’ve got you both beat! My wife is so dumb, she was packing to go on a girls trip last week, and she must have packed a hundred condoms. And she doesn’t even have a single penis!”

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  • When my manager said I can be really irritating

    Turns out when my manager said that “You can be really irritating at work sometimes” that wasn’t them giving me permission…..

  • I asked a friend about potassium-rich fruit

    I asked a friend, “Did you know that there’s a fruit that gives you your entire potassium requirement for the day?”
    He said: “Yeah, that’s bananas.”
    I responded: “I know. I was shocked too.”

  • Date Who Drills Holes

    My date told me she spends all her free time drilling holes.

    I said, “Well… that’s boring.”

  • Sexual Consultant

    A redneck tells his buddy, “Hey, I just got a promotion! I’m the boss’s sexual consultant.”

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    His buddy says, “Sexual consultant? How did you get that job?”

    And the redneck says, “I told the boss he should fire Jones in accounting. And the boss said, ‘When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.’”

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  • Like a Newborn Baby

    Two retired cops sit on a park bench watching the world go by.

    “You know, Tom,” one sighs, “my health is declining. My legs hurt when I stand, my back hurts when I sit, and my arms hurt when I reach for things. I feel like I’m falling apart! How are you feeling these days?”

    The second guy smiles broadly and says, “Honestly? I feel like a newborn baby!”

    “Really?!” the first guy gasps. “A newborn baby? How do you manage that?”

    “Well,” he grunts, “I have no hair, I have no teeth, and I just wet my pants!”

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  • Make Up Your Mind

    I recently had someone tell me to stop being an idiot and to be myself.

    I told them to make up their mind.

  • Meeting the Parents and the Dog Named Rover

    A young man visits his girlfriend’s house and meets her parents for the first time. He feels a massive urge to pass gas, so he lets a small, quiet one out. The father immediately yells, “Rover!”

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    Thinking the dog took the blame, the man feels bold and lets out a second, louder rip. The father glares and shouts again, “ROVER!”

    Encouraged that his secret is safe, the man lets loose a massive, loud, stinky blast.

    The father yells, “ROVER, GET OUTTA THERE BEFORE HE SHITS ALL OVER YOU!”

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  • Silver-Haired Lady and the Jigsaw Puzzle

    A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over and help me. I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

    Her neighbor asks, “What’s it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

    “According to the picture on the box,” she replies, “it’s a rooster.”

    The neighbor decides to help. He comes over, and she shows him the puzzle pieces spread all over the kitchen table.

    He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then back at the table.

    Finally, he smiles, gently takes her hand, and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re never going to turn these pieces into a rooster.”

    “Second, let’s make ourselves a nice cup of tea…”

    “…and then we’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

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  • Surely I don’t need an umbrella today

    I asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”.
    Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

    Apparently I had left Airplane mode on.