“Thanks for coming!” *escorts houseguests out *closes door *returns to living room *releases 45 second fart
Format: narrative
Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
My wife suggested we start sleeping with other people to make
My wife suggested we start sleeping with other people to make our sex lives more exciting, so I asked her how many other guys she planned on having sex with while she’s married to me. Her reply: “Retroactively, or from this point forward?”
-
My Shit Doesn’t Stink
The doctor asks the man, “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
The man says, “Well doc, this is gonna sound a little weird. I wasn’t even sure if I should come to you about it, but you know what they say, better safe than sorry!”
The doctor says, “I’ve heard everything there is. Out with it, man, what seems to be the problem?”
The man says, “Well doc, here’s the thing. My shit doesn’t stink anymore.”
“Your shit doesn’t stink anymore?” the doctor repeats back as a question.
“Yes sir. I noticed it a month ago in late April. I was sitting down for my regular morning shit. Everything went well — firm, good size, came right out nice and smooth — and that’s when I noticed. No smell! Not a damn thing! I’ve just been wondering if something might be wrong,” the man explains.
The doctor furrows his brow. “That is indeed puzzling, sir. It says here you’re not married. And you live alone?”
“Just me and my dog,” the man replies.
The doctor scribbles two prescriptions and hands them to the man. “Take one of each, once a day for two weeks and come back to me.”
The man comes back two weeks later. Now he’s angry. His face is red as he grumpily explains, “Doc, I don’t know what you gave me, but ooh boy does my shit stink! I think you might have made things worse! I’m gagging in the bathroom! I can barely stand to be in the room with my own stink now! What in the hell did you give me?”
The doctor replies, “Nasal decongestant and antihistamine.”
-
Is That All You People Think About?
Two Jews are walking down the street when they come upon a Christian church with a sign: “Come in! Convert to Christianity and receive $100!”
One Jew says to the other, “I’m going in to see if getting $100 is this easy!”
When he returns, he’s wearing a necklace with a cross. His friend points at the cross and says, “What’s that? Did you really convert?!”
“Yes, I did. I’m now Christian.”
“Well, did you get the $100?”
“Is that all you people think about?”
-
The Skyscraper
A country guy visits New York City for the first time. He’s staring up at a tall skyscraper, quietly counting the floors.
A New Yorker notices and says, “Hey, buddy — around here, it’s a dollar for every floor you count.”
The country guy nods.
After a moment, the New Yorker asks, “So, how many floors did you count?”
“Ten,” the country guy says, handing over $10.
The New Yorker smirks and walks off.
A moment later, the country guy chuckles to himself and says, “Joke’s on him… I counted twenty.”
-
One Hell of an Outdoorsman
A guy goes in for a physical; the doctor asks about his activity level. “What do you mean?” asks the guy.
The doctor says, “Well, for example, what did you do yesterday?”
The guy says, “Yesterday afternoon, I took a five-hour walk, about seven miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and in my eyes. I jumped three feet in the air when I almost stepped on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills and hacked my way through some tall grass. After that I was so exhausted and dehydrated, I drank eight beers.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor says, “Sounds like you are one hell of an outdoorsman!”
And the guy says, “Actually, I’m just a really shitty golfer.”
-
Tom Jones and the Siamese Twins
A pair of drop-dead gorgeous female Siamese twins who were joined at the hip saw the ad for the concert in the local paper. One of them said, “Hey, Tom Jones is in town! How would you like to go and see him?” They agreed to go, hoping they might get to meet him.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
Plant Your Potatoes, Dad
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison.
“This year I won’t be able to plant potatoes because I can’t dig the field. I know if you were here you would help me.”
The son wrote back, “Dad, don’t even think of digging the field because that’s where I buried the money I stole.”
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug up by the police looking for the money, but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again, “Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I can do from here.”
