Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Show Him Your Badge

    A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday.

    “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.

    I replied, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

    The DEA officer exploded. “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!”

    Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face.

    “See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked, no answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”

    I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to my chores.

    A short time later, I heard loud screams. I looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull.

    With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like the officer would get gored before he made it to safety.

    So I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:

    “Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!”

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  • Banging This Hot Chick on Her Kitchen Table – Quick Try the Backdoor

    Banging This Hot Chick on Her Kitchen Table – Quick Try the Backdoor

    I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open

    She said “it’s my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!”

    Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don’t get offers like that every day.

  • The Backdoor

    I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

    She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!”

    Thinking back, I really should have run, but you don’t get offers like that every day.

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  • The Meter Man

    There was a knock at the door earlier. When I answered it, there was a little man standing on the step.

    I said, “You’re not very tall, are you?”

    “I’m 3′3″,” he said.

    When I asked him what he wanted, he said, “I’m the meter man.”

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  • My First Time With a Condom

    I recall my first time with a condom. I was 19 or so.

    I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

    She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

    I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”

    So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused, so she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.

    It was empty. “Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door and locked it.

    Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” she asked.

    Well, I was so dumbstruck that all I could do was nod my head.

    She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

    “Well, come on,” she said. “We don’t have much time.”

    So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW — I was done within a few minutes.

    She looked at me with a bit of a frown.

    “Did you put that condom on?” she asked.

    I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her!

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  • The Old Man and the Prostitute

    A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hadn’t had a customer in a while, so she whistles at him and says, “Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?”

    The old man said, “But I won’t be able to…”

    Prostitute: “C’mon man… give it a try…”

    Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes. When he’s done, the prostitute, all exhausted and tired, says, “But you said you won’t be able to…”

    “…pay you,” replied the old man.

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  • The Circumcision

    Two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

    The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”

    “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m nervous,” the second boy says.

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about! I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream and Jell-O. It’s a breeze!”

    “Well, what are you here for?” the second kid asks.

    “A circumcision,” the first kid replies woefully.

    The second kid says, “Wow! I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year!”

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  • Why Is Your Hair White?

    A daughter once asked, “Why is your hair white?”

    Mom said, “Every time you’re bad, it loses its light.”

    The girl looked at Grandma and whispered in fright,

    “Wow, Mom, you must have been a real terror at night!”

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  • Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence

    Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.

    As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.

    The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”

    Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.

    Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”

    Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”

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  • My Husband’s Home!

    Dave pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

    The bartender asked, “What makes you say that?”

    Dave beamed with pride. “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work.”

    “She was so thrilled to have me around that every time a mailman or delivery guy came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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