We recently opened a shelter for the poor, needy, and the impotent.
The poor and needy showed up, but the impotent couldn’t come.
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Now I want to break three
I was going through my old stuff when I broke two Queen records.
Now I want to break three. -
Aren’t going to work out
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up…
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out. -
Under a buck
What’s the difference between a beer nut and a deer nut?
A bowl of beer nuts is about $1.80, but you can always find a deer nut under a buck. -
Harvard Sweatshirts and Embarrassing Checkups!
Some questions are better left unasked.
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard, and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” the doctor asks.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale, and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest.
“Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
She replies, “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin.”
“Why do you ask?”
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A ceiling rafter
I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today…
It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.
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Comparing apples to oranges
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump…
But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
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Bearly A Joke: Legal Trouble in the Woods
An American lawyer and his Czech brother-in-law are on a hunting vacation in Canada.
As they exit their tent, they run into a male and female bear in the middle of an intimate moment. Enraged at the interruption, the male bear roars, rears up, and, with a sudden pounce, swallows the lawyer’s brother-in-law whole!
The American runs for help, calling out for their Canadian ranger guide, who shows up with his hunting rifle. The American points at the male bear and says, “Quick! Shoot him, but be careful—my brother-in-law’s inside his belly!”
The ranger levels his hunting rifle, takes aim, and shoots the female bear dead! Startled by the shot, the male bear runs off.
The American falls to his knees, looks at the Canadian, and asks, “Why did you shoot the wrong bear?”
The ranger scoffs and says, “Did you really expect me to believe a lawyer who tells me the Czech is in the male?”
