Format: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Superman, You’re a Real Asshole When You’ve Been Drinking

    On the 110th floor of the Empire State Building, there’s a bar. It has windows all around the floor so you can see everywhere. A guy walks into the bar one day and notices another guy sitting down at the end of the bar. The barkeeper hands the guy a big bubbling, gurgling, fizzy green drink. The guy drinks it down in a single gulp, looks over at everyone and says, “You know, the wind currents are so strong up here you can just hop out and fly around.”

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    Another guy at the bar looks at him and says, “No way, you’re so full of shit!”

    So the man walks over to the window, opens it, then hops out. He flies around the entire building a couple times, then comes back in, closes the window, and sits back down at the bar.

    The other guy says, “Damn, that must be a helluva drink.” So he orders one. The barkeeper hands him the same drink the other guy had, and he downs it in a single gulp. Then he walks over to the window, opens it, looks back at the other guy that did it and says, “Yeah man, I don’t know about this.”

    The guy that did it already looks him in the eyes and tells him, “Don’t be a pussy!”

    So he steps outside and falls 110 stories to his death. The barkeeper turns to the guy and says, “Superman, you’re a real asshole when you’ve been drinking.”

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  • Beat Me Half to Death

    A guy finds an old lamp and gives it a rub. A genie pops out.

    The genie says, “I will grant you three wishes, but there are rules. One wish has to be good for you, two have to be bad for you. And whatever you wish for, your ex-wife gets double.”

    The guy thinks for a second and says, “Alright. For my first wish, I want a million-dollar mansion sitting on one hundred acres, with a safe inside that has ten million dollars in it.”

    The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. And your ex-wife now has a two-million-dollar ranch on two hundred acres with a safe holding twenty million.”

    The guy shakes his head but says, “Okay. For my second wish, I want you to give my ex-wife half of everything I have.”

    The genie looks at him for a moment, then snaps again. “Done. Which means she now has to give you all of hers.”

    The guy smiles. “Perfect.”

    The genie says, “Alright, last wish. This one has to be bad for you.”

    The guy takes a breath and says, “Fine. I want you to beat me half to death.”

    The genie pauses, looks at him, then slowly smiles.

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  • No Place to Park

    I got a job at a company that makes fire hydrants…

    …but I had to quit. There was no place to park.

  • Tough Shit

    A constipated man goes to the pharmacy for laxatives.

    Man: “One box of laxatives, please?”

    Pharmacist: “I’m sorry. We’re all out of stock.”

    Man: “What, again?! How does this keep happening?! I’m desperate for some relief!”

    Pharmacist: “Well, that’s tough shit, I’m afraid.”

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  • Goldilocks Was Lazy

    If you ever think you’re lazy, just remember…

    Goldilocks decided to take a nap in the middle of a burglary…

  • Pig!

    A woman decides she’s finally going to get into shape and start jogging. She jogs for several miles and is feeling really great about herself. But then a man drives by, points out the window and shouts, “Pig!”

    The woman shouts back, “How dare you!”

    Then she trips over a pig.

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  • Same Middle Name

    What do Winnie the Pooh, Alexander the Great, and Andre the Giant all have in common?

    Same middle name.

  • The Man on the Island

    A cruise ship sails past a small island in the ocean, where a bearded man is shouting something while frantically waving his arms.

    “Who is that?” a passenger asks the captain.

    “I have no idea. Every year, when we pass by here, he goes crazy in exactly the same way.”

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  • Soft Tissue Damage

    I just had a stack of toilet paper rolls fall on me in the supermarket.

    It’s OK, though. Just some soft tissue damage.

  • Wayne’s Whore

    A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

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    Little Wayne says, “I wanna start out as a fighter pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”

    The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Wayne, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

    “And how about you, Sarah?”

    “I wanna be Wayne’s whore.”

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