Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Please Let This Be a Tea Bag

    A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can’t remember anything he did last night. He picks up his dressing gown from the floor and puts it on. He notices there’s something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra.

    He thinks to himself, “Uh oh. What happened last night?” He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his gown.

    Again he thinks, “What happened last night. What have I done? It must have been a wild party,” making his best attempt to conclude and accept the evidence.

    He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is “If there’s a God, please let this be a tea bag.”

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  • Dont Complain About My Cooking

    A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his homosexuality from his parents, goes over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he lets out a big sigh and says, “Mom, I have something to tell you: I’m gay.”

    His mother made no reply, and the guy was about to repeat it, when she turned to him and said calmly, “You’re gay? Doesn’t that mean you put other men’s penises in your mouth?”

    Nervously, the guy said, “Uh, yeah, Mom, well I guess so.”

    His mother went back to stirring the pot. Suddenly, she whirled around and whacked him over the head with her spoon, saying, “Don’t you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!”

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  • The Taxi Driver

    A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”

    The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.

    “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.

    “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”

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  • Spice Girls Robots

    A young boy was watching TV with his father while his mother prepared the dinner in the kitchen. After a while, the kid wanders into the kitchen and asks, “Mummy, are the Spice Girls robots?”

    His mother replies, “No, dear, they aren’t. Why do you ask?”

    “Well, daddy just said that he’d like to screw the arse off the black one.”

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  • Head in the Fence

    This guy is driving through California and picks up a hitchhiker. They continue down the road until they come upon a sheep with its head caught in the fence. The driver, overcome with emotion, pulls off the road and says, “Oh, I can’t just drive past without doing something about this… I’ll be right back.”

    He gets out of the car, goes up to the sheep, and starts fucking it from behind. When done, he walks back to the car and gets in.

    The California guy goes, “Damn! I’ve never seen anything like that.”

    The driver says, “You ought to try it, it’s fantastic.”

    The California guy goes, “…Yea, it did look like a lot of fun, what the hell, I’ll do it!”

    He gets out of the car, walks over to the fence, and sticks his head through it.

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  • Hurts Doesnt It

    A married guy was out getting a little “strange stuff” when he suffered a massive heart attack and died. The undertaker called his wife as he was preparing the body, saying, “Your late husband died with a tremendous erection that we can’t get to go away… What would you like us to do?”

    To which she replied, “Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me… Cut it off and stuff it in his ass.”

    When she went to view the body she noticed a somewhat pained expression on her deceased husband’s face as he lay in the casket. Bending over him she said softly, “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

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  • Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

    One afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day, so he decided to go over to Spiderman’s house.

    Supe: “Hey Spidey, let’s go get a burger and a beer!”

    Spidey: “No can do, Supe. I’ve got a problem with my web-shooter. Can’t fight crime tomorrow without it.”

    So Superman heads over to the Bat Cave.

    Supe: “Hey, Batman! Let’s go get a burger and a beer!”

    Batman: “Not today, my friend. The BatMobile is down and it’s gotta be fixed. Can’t fight crime tomorrow without it.”

    Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air. Cruising around, he flies over a penthouse apartment balcony where none other than Wonder Woman is lying, spread-eagle and stark-naked. Supe gets a brilliant idea: “They’ve always said I’m faster than a speeding bullet and I’ve always wondered what she’d be like with all her Wonder Powers.”

    So he zooms down, does her in a flash and is gone before anyone can notice. All of a sudden Wonder Woman sits up and says, “What was that?!”

    The Invisible Man gets off her and replies, “I don’t know, but my ass hurts like hell!”

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  • Someone’s Coming

    One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the usual lengthy round of “Good Nights” she went upstairs.

    Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each others’ shoulders beneath Snow White’s bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy’s turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was doing.

    After a minute or two he hollered down, “She’s taking off her blouse!” and this was echoed down the stack — “Taking off her blouse,” “She’s taking off her blouse,” “Blouse is coming off,” “Taking off her blouse,” etc.

    Next Grumpy yelled, “She’s taking off her skirt,” which was followed by the echoes — “Taking off her skirt,” “She’s taking off her skirt,” “Skirt’s coming off,” “Taking off her skirt,” etc.

    Of course the next line from Grumpy was, “She’s taking off her bra!” and the echo chorus went down the line: “She’s taking off her bra!” “She’s taking off her bra!” “She’s taking off her bra!” etc.

    Then Grumpy said, “She’s taking off her panties!” which again cascaded down the dwarf tower. “She’s taking off her panties!” “She’s taking off her panties!” “She’s taking off her panties!” “She taking off her panties!” etc.

    Finally Grumpy looked around and from his vantage height saw someone coming through the woods so he yelled, “Someone’s coming!”

    And from the next dwarf to the bottom dwarf was heard, “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.”

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  • Paint My House

    Some smart looking businessman dude was sitting in a bar drinking a beer one night when a gorgeous well-stacked blonde walked in.

    She says, “For $250, I’ll do anything you want, only you have to describe it in three words or less.”

    He thinks about this a minute or so, pulls out $250, and says, “Paint my house.”

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  • The Milk Man Dead

    A baby was born to a couple. When he was one, he could talk like an adult. When he was two, he could read anything. When he was three, he could do advanced calculus. When he was four, he could predict the future.

    One day, he made three predictions. One year from today, I will die. Two years from today, my mother will die. Three years from today, my father will die.

    Sure enough, a year later he died.

    The father, getting the picture in a big way, loaded up his wife with a million dollars in life insurance.

    Sure enough, a year later she died. He figured he had a year to live it up with that life insurance, which he did, spending every penny of it.

    The eve of his projected death, he drank himself into a stupor. To his amazement, he woke up the next morning with nothing more than a bad hangover. He stumbled to the back porch to get the milk for his coffee, where he found the milk man dead.

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