fishy @fishbowel
Me: I love my new indestructible walls I just wish I had some kool-aid
*audible thud outside house*
Me: what was that
Format: social media post
Social media post comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A Very COVID Christmas
The Alex Nevil @TheAlexNevil
Looking forward to Hallmark’s holiday offering “A Very COVID Christmas,” when a big city lawyer and a country candle maker accidentally meet when they go to the wrong zoom meeting.
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Betty White So Old
Renowned Philanthropist @SortaBad
Betty White is so old she starred on a 7-season TV show about being old that went off the air before most of you were born
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Mothers Day Lowest Crime
Fin @gofinurself
My mom is a prosecutor and every year she brings up the fact that Mother’s Day is the day with the lowest crime. I think that says a lot about how many moms commit crimes throughout the year, but can’t today because they’re too busy being celebrated.
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Abortion Is a Difficult Topic
What is your opinion on abortion?
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On the one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
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Gay Best Friend
Daemon Blackfyre @nekuLDN
If my girlfriend ever has a “gay best friend”, that nigga better suck my dick to prove it
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This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma
This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma
Ok. First off, THIS THING IS HUGE!!! I didn’t realize it when ordering. But When every one left the house one day I decided to give it the old college try. The suction cup works well, I had it stuck to my bedroom door. Ok, so when trying to use this it was really big and awkward. I was trying to back against it slowly letting my butt hole adjust to the massive width. I had my I-Pod Listening to “Eye of the Tiger” trying to get pumped for the whole thing. Well I didn’t hear my grandmother come home early and apparently i was making some noise rocking back on this Mega-Dong mounted to the door, and singing along to The Theme Song to Rocky. Well my Grandma comes to investigate and jerks my door open, which snatched the toy out of my butt bringing my sphincter with it. My grandmother Freaks and Slams the Door which POWER DRIVES this thing Up my anus all the way to the base. I’m Screaming in pain, and My grandmother is yelling holding her chest. Next thing I know she collapses. So there I am with a Bleeding, Prolapsed Butt hole and my grandma on the floor. I’m in so much pain and am freaking out worrying that I’ve killed her. So I crawled over to her and pushed her life alert button to send the paramedics, one of which was a new guy and when I tried explaining the story he literally pissed on himself laughing. Anyway they popped an ammonia capsule and brought my grandmother back. She seems ok but we haven’t made eye contact for 2 weeks and my butt is a little worse for wear. And when I fart now, it sounds like a Peterbilt 379 releasing its air brakes
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Searched So Thoroughly Gold Watch
ewilliams1: They searched him so thoroughly, they found a gold watch.
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Family of Four
I was assigned female at birth and identify as a woman, but according to the back of the Kraft mac and cheese box I’m a family of four
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Dad Behind Me
Lost my virginity today… made me remember when i first learnt how to ride a bike. My dad was behind me the whole time
