If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner, you’re a terrible parent. I don’t care how busy you are–find the time to microwave that shit.
Format: text
Text comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Game Show Idea: 11 Gay Men and 1 Straight Man – None of the Men Are Actually Gay
Game Show Idea:
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn’t gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left, or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the 2 last people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here’s the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just all think they are the one straight man.
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Dog: Drop the Ball – Dog: Go Fuck Yourself
Dog: You are my life. My purpose. I will do anything for you
Human: Drop the ball
Dog: Go fuck yourself
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If Size Doesn’t Matter Why Are There No 3 Inch Dildos
If size doesn’t matter why are there no 3 inch dildos
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My Fish Is Very Dry – We Had to Take Him Out of the Water – Smart
john @mrjohndarby
me: my fish is very dry
waiter: yes, we had to take him out of the water
me: smart
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Shark vs Me in a Triathlon – It Would All Come Down to Who Is the Better Cyclist
Emma Manzini @EmmaManzini
A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
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So Dracula Won’t Try to Eat My Ass – Garlic in My Pants
m@thew @TweetPotato314
wife: why r u putting garlic in ur pants
me: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass
wife: why would dracula try to eat ur ass
me: he won’t. the garlic- r u even listening
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HR Says I’m No Longer Allowed to Answer the Phone With For Fuck Sake What Now
MF FairyPrincessSmoo @Smooheed
HR says I’m no longer allowed to answer the phone with “for fuck sake, what now”
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Gotta Get Wisdom Teeth Out – Why? Gotta Make Room for More Dicks?
siouxchiefsouschef @legitwidget
overheard one kid at the Mall of America tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says “why? gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow insults have really come a long way since I was a kid
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Time for a Reality Check – Would Not Recommend
paul bassett davies @thewritertype
Ok, it’s time for a reality check.
*checks reality*
Holy shit. Would not recommend.
