Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • At 49 a Drink

    A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is stunned, but he shrugs and makes the drink.

    When he brings it over, the gorilla hands him a $50 bill.

    Now the bartender is really amazed. A gorilla walked in, ordered a martini, and actually paid for it.

    At the register he pauses and thinks, let’s see if the gorilla notices anything.

    So he comes back and gives the gorilla $1 in change.

    The gorilla just sits there quietly sipping his martini.

    After a few minutes the bartender can’t take it anymore and says, “You know… we don’t get many gorillas in here.”

    The gorilla takes another sip and replies, “At $49 a drink, I’m surprised you get any customers at all.”

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  • She Likes It That Way

    Mrs. Schwartz is in synagogue. The worshippers rise as the ark is opened. Mr. Goldstein, in the pew behind Mrs. Schwartz, notices that her dress is, er, caught between her buttocks. Thinking to correct the situation, he reaches forward and pulls the offending fabric free.

    Mrs. Schwartz turns around and furiously scolds him: how dare you, etc, etc. Her friends join in and Mr. Goldstein’s wife is mortified and apologetic.

    The following week, at the same time, Mr. Goldstein’s hand once again makes contact with Mrs. Schwartz’s bottom. Again, chaos ensues. Afterwards, Mrs. Goldstein wrathfully asks her husband what in the WORLD was he thinking?

    He replies: “I’m mystified myself. Last week, her dress was caught between her buttocks, and I thought I was doing her a favor by fixing it. This week, I saw her dress was hanging free. I simply wanted to put her dress back between her buttocks. I happen to know she likes it that way!”

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  • This Is Going to Be Loud

    A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don’t want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don’t want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don’t want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!”

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  • Phallic Symbol

    Me: “It’s a phallic symbol.”

    Blonde Secretary in the office: “Ooh! I’d hate to tell you what it looks like!”

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  • Thats a Microwave

    A blonde walked into an appliance store and told the clerk that she liked to purchase the television set that sat on the counter. Very politely the clerk told her that the store didn’t service to blondes. She was just about to say something when she got an idea. She went home and dyed her hair black.

    The very next day, she went to the store and told the same clerk she had talked to the day before, that she would like to purchase the television set that sat on the counter. Then politely the clerk told her that he already told her the day before that the store didn’t service to blondes.

    She looked surprised and asked him, how did you know I was the blonde from yesterday?

    How did I know, the clerk said, ’cause that’s a microwave.

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  • Scaring the Kids

    A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “What’s up?” he says.

    “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted is hiding in your wardrobe and he’s got no clothes on!”

    The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

    “You bastard,” says the husband, “my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!”

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  • Explain It Five Times

    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 lb and he’s a blond weight lifter,” he continues, “The fella to your right is blond, 6’5″ and pushing 300 lb and he’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

    The blind guy goes: “Nah! Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

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  • The Seagull

    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde. The brunette says in a disgusted voice, “Hang on. The bathroom is just up the hill. I’ll go get some toilet paper.”

    After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead says, “What’s so funny?”

    The blonde says, “Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her! By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!”

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  • Play Doctor

    My wife told me she wanted to play doctor
    I told her to take off all her clothes and lay down on the bed.

    I went and played golf while she waited for me to get back.

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  • Aunt Becky College Kids

    Aunt Becky College Kids