Misdirection Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

I really don’t like being labeled as either liberal or

I really don’t like being labeled as either liberal or conservative. I just want to be labeled as huge-titted.

My wife told me for her birthday, she wanted to have a threesome

My wife told me for her birthday, she wanted to have a threesome so she could experience a really big dick. Unfortunately, Simon Cowell is busy that night.

I started a new meme on Facebook: Enter the first two and last

I started a new meme on Facebook: Enter the first two and last two letters of your last name to uncover your “Alec Baldwin name.” No matter what you enter, the translation results in “FUCK YOU, *THAT’S* MY NAME.”

I’m not saying my girlfriend’s vibrator isn’t loud; I’m just

I’m not saying my girlfriend’s vibrator isn’t loud; I’m just saying her neighbor should know that helicopters can’t land on the roof because there’s no room up there.

A commercial just warned me not to buy their product if I have a

A commercial just warned me not to buy their product if I have a bowel blockage. I was surprised because I didn’t think plungers needed advertising.

Note to self: Don’t make a move unless you’ve heard the whole

Note to self: Don’t make a move unless you’ve heard the whole sentence. Imagine my embarrassment when everyone started shouting at me that she wasn’t inviting me to kiss her under the camel toe.

Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and

Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and get out of jury duty and I don’t wanna sound stupid.

Grey and Comes in Pints

What’s grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

Same Name

I should be happy because I have a new girlfriend. The problem is she has the same name as my sister. So every time we have sex now…

…all I think about is my new girlfriend.

Ancient grease

An archaeologist found a 2,000-year-old oil stain.
Ancient grease.

Joke Type: misdirection