When your girlfriend invites you over to “eat her pussy” but then she starts stripping her clothes off instead of cooking her cat
*cries in ching chong*
Joke Type: misunderstanding
Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Crossfit Croissant
Me: omg I’m so tired from all that crossfit this morning
Friend: it’s pronounced croissant… and I’m not sure how you managed to eat 12
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Ms Jackson Four Eels
I’m sorry Ms. Jackson (ooo)
I am four eels
Never meant to make your daughter cry
BABY WAIT
I am several fish and not a guy
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Odyssey Named After
odysseus: we now set out on our odyssey.
sailor: [raising hand] what’s an odyssey?
odysseus: a long journey named after the only survivor.
sailor: oh ok wait what.
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I Can Tell By the Voice
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled…
“It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
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The Third Old Lady Couldnt Reach
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.
All of a sudden a strange man in a trench-coat walks in front of them and blatantly flashes them.
The first old lady had a stroke.
The second old lady also had a stroke.
But the third old lady couldn’t reach.
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Is That All You People Think About
Two elderly Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “Convert to Catholicism and get $50.”
Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
“So,” asks Abe, “did you convert?”
“Yes I did,” says Murray.
“Did you get your fifty dollars?” asks Abe.
And Murray says, “Is that all you people think about?”
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Top 12 Pickup Lines at the Masturbate-a-Thon
The Top 12 Pickup Lines Used at the Masturbate-a-Thon
12. “Doesn’t it seem strange to be doing this? I mean, without a keyboard in front of you?”
11. “So, I hear you’re looking for a colossal jerk.”
10. “Excuse me — I could use a hand over here.”
9. “Doubles, anyone?”
8. “So what time do you get off?”
7. “This reminds me of Hands Across America. Only slimier.”
6. “Are you finished with that?”
5. “Good choice! The SuperSchlong 6000 was a Consumer Reports Best Buy.”
4. “This is just a microcosm of life… oh, sorry about that — I’m waxing philosophical.”
3. “Hello, handsome! I will be your father figure….”
2. “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”
1. “Can you help me out? I’m blind — and extremely confused right now.”
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Spice Girls Robots
A young boy was watching TV with his father while his mother prepared the dinner in the kitchen. After a while, the kid wanders into the kitchen and asks, “Mummy, are the Spice Girls robots?”
His mother replies, “No, dear, they aren’t. Why do you ask?”
“Well, daddy just said that he’d like to screw the arse off the black one.”
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Head in the Fence
This guy is driving through California and picks up a hitchhiker. They continue down the road until they come upon a sheep with its head caught in the fence. The driver, overcome with emotion, pulls off the road and says, “Oh, I can’t just drive past without doing something about this… I’ll be right back.”
He gets out of the car, goes up to the sheep, and starts fucking it from behind. When done, he walks back to the car and gets in.
The California guy goes, “Damn! I’ve never seen anything like that.”
The driver says, “You ought to try it, it’s fantastic.”
The California guy goes, “…Yea, it did look like a lot of fun, what the hell, I’ll do it!”
He gets out of the car, walks over to the fence, and sticks his head through it.
