Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
“Man buys product that promised to enlarge his penis and gets a magnifying glass”
Homem compra produto que prometia aumentar pênis e recebe lupa
PROCON Campina
PREFEITURA MUNICIPAL DE CAMPINA SECRETARIA MUNICIPAL DE ASSUNTOS JURÍDICOS Departamento de Proteção ao Consumidor
disque 151 www.procon.campina.sp.gov.br
A man goes to school to have a meeting with his son’s teachers. He walks into the first classroom and says, “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse me if I sound a bit strange, but I burned my tongue yesterday.”
The teacher sighs and says, “Look, we really needed to talk to you. Your son is struggling. He doesn’t know his times tables, he doesn’t know the American states… he doesn’t even know which state he’s in right now! You really need to have a talk with him.”
“I’m so sorry,” the father replies. “I’ll speak with him tonight. But again, please forgive my speech; I really scorched my tongue.”
He then moves on to the art teacher’s office. “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse my voice, I burned my tongue yesterday.”
The art teacher beams. “Oh, don’t worry about that! I have to tell you, your son is a prodigy. He’s incredible! Just yesterday, he drew a basket of fruit so realistically that all the other children gathered around trying to pick a piece to eat!”
The father nods and says, “I know, I know… yesterday he drew a vagina on the stove.”
“Wooooo… I am the Holy Spirit! What you are doing is a SIN!”
“Nonsense—masturbation is healthy and natural.”
“No, I meant strangling hookers.”
“Oh, right. Tbat.”
it looks like you’re pregnant
I’m pregnant?!
No, but it looks like you are.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.
