Joke Type: misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • A Count or a Cunt

    A kid went away to college and grew a goatee, and was very proud of it. He took a selfie and sent it to his dad with a note:

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    “This makes me look rather like a count, does it not?”

    Dad turns to mom and says, “Kid’s grown a beard, but still can’t spell.”

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  • Not What It Looks Like

    So a girl walks in and catches her boyfriend masturbating to an optical illusion. “What the hell are you doing?” she screams.

    And he says, “Honey, it’s not what it looks like.”

  • The Potato in the Speedo

    A guy is having trouble getting women’s attention at the beach. He tells the lifeguard:

    “I’ve walked past every woman on this beach and none of them so much as glance my way. I’m even wearing my best Speedo to show off all the work I’ve put in at the gym. I don’t know what else to do.”

    The lifeguard says, “Oh, that’s easy! Just put a potato in your Speedo and you’ll have all their eyes glued on you. Trust me.”

    So the next day he does just that, and then goes to see the lifeguard:

    “Hey man, so I did get a lot of looks, but not quite what I was expecting. They all looked completely disgusted and appalled, and not turned on at all.”

    So the lifeguard looks down at his waist area:

    “Okay, well, I guess I should have specified — you have to put the potato in the front of your Speedo.”

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  • That Moth Had a Big Cock

    I was driving along with my young son when we noticed a car driving erratically ahead of us. As we pulled alongside it, ready to overtake, the window came down and a massive dildo — sixteen inches if it was a day — came flying out the window and smacked into our windscreen before flying off to the curb side.

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    My son looked confused for a second before asking, “What was that, Dad?”

    I had to think quick. “That was a moth,” I replied. “Just a moth.”

    He thought about it for a while and said, “Fuck, that moth had a big cock, eh Dad!”

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  • I Already Have That One

    I Already Have That One

    I’m addicted to collecting Beatles Albums

    It sounds like you need help

    No, I already have that one

  • CDs Nuts

    CDs Nuts

    Back in my day we listened to music on CDs

    What are CDs, grandma?

    CDs nuts

  • Fatherly Bubble

    Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, “Some nights I don’t know why I even bother to wear panties.”

  • Polly’s Tree Climbing

    Polly went home happy and told her mum how she’d earned $50 by climbing a tree.

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    Her mum replied, “Sweetie — they just wanted to see your knickers.”

    To which Polly replied, “No, look, Mom, I was clever, I took them off!”

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  • Turn Over

    So a girl is going to marry a Greek fellow. The night before the wedding, the girl’s dad takes her aside and says, “Honey, I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it. If he ever asks you to turn over, you don’t have to.”

    So they get married. Sure enough, about six months later, the Greek guy asks the girl to turn over.

    “You know,” she says, “my dad told me I don’t have to turn over if I don’t want to.”

    “Whatsa matter?” says the Greek guy. “Don’t you wanna have kids?”

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  • Gram of Coke and a Pepsi

    Gram of Coke and a Pepsi

    I’d like a Pepsi.

    We have Coke.

    OK, I’ll take a gram of that and a Pepsi.