Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
A man enters a confession box at late night.
“Father, I’ve sinned. I watch pornography 12 hours a day.”
The priest asks, “12 hours? How is that even possible?”
The man says, “Easy. Four hours in the morning, four in the evening, four at night.”
The priest asks, “Did you watch 12 hours today too?”
The man replies, “No, only 11 hours and 55 minutes.”
The priest asks, “Why is that?”
The man replies, “Because there is no Internet in the confession box.”
Two old friends, Earl (80) and Frank (87), were sitting on a park bench one morning.
Frank had just finished his morning walk around the park and didn’t even look winded.
Earl was amazed and asked, “Frank, how do you have so much energy at your age?”
Frank grinned and said, “Simple… I eat rye bread every single day.”
“It keeps your energy up and gives you great stamina with the ladies.”
On his way home, Earl stopped by the local bakery.
The young woman behind the counter asked, “Can I help you, sir?”
Earl said, “Yes ma’am… do you sell rye bread?”
“Of course we do,” she replied. “How many loaves would you like?”
Earl thought for a moment and said, “Better make it five loaves.”
The baker looked surprised and said, “Five loaves? By the time you get to the third one, it’ll be hard.”
Earl muttered under his breath, “Well I’ll be… I can’t believe everybody already knows about this.”
A monk turns 18, so he leaves the monastery and travels to town for the very first time. He’s walking down the street, and a hooker says, “Hey father! How about a little head? Ten bucks.”
Well, the monk doesn’t know what this means, so he goes scurrying back up to the monastery. He finds one of the nuns and says, “Sister, what’s ‘head’?”
And she says, “Ten bucks, same as downtown.”
A blonde and a brunette are hanging out. “Can you teach me how to tell a joke?” asks the blonde.
“People don’t seem to like my jokes,” she continued. “But everyone laughs at yours. How do you come up with such good jokes?”
“Honestly, I’m not really naturally funny,” said the brunette. “I don’t think up my own jokes. I just take other people’s jokes and say the punchline louder.”
“Oh…” The blonde thought long and hard for a moment. “Okay, I think I got it. Knock knock!”
“Um… who’s there?”
“Louder!”
I was out to dinner and the waitress asked, “How did you find your steak, sir?”
I told her, “I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.”
