I asked the hot dog seller, “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”
He said, “Sure, won’t be long.”
I said, “In that case, can I have two?”
Joke Type: misunderstanding
Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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No But I Have a Boyfriend
I finally worked up the courage to ask my blind coworker if she was currently seeing anyone.
She said, “No, but I have a boyfriend.”
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The Pope at the Gates of Heaven
The Pope dies and stands before the Gates of Heaven…
He knocks and St. Peter opens the Gate.
St. Peter: “Yes? How can I help you?”
Pope: “I want to speak with God.”
St. Peter: “And you are?”
Pope, frustrated: “I’m the Pope!”
St. Peter: “Doesn’t ring a bell.”
Pope, very angry: “I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH GOD!”
St. Peter closes the Gate and goes to God.
St. Peter: “My Lord, there is someone who wants to talk with you.”
God: “Who?”
St. Peter: “He calls himself the Pope.”
God: “Who is that supposed to be?”
St. Peter: “I don’t know, what should we do with him?”
God: “Let Jesus talk with him, he spent some time down there.”
Jesus goes to the Pope.
A few minutes later Jesus returns laughing like there is no tomorrow.
God: “What’s so funny, Jesus?”
Jesus: “Father, you won’t believe this — that fishing club I founded 2,000 years ago, it still exists!”
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The Blonde and the River
A blonde was staring dumbfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side.
She yelled, “Hey, can you help me get to the other side?”
The other blonde replied, “You ARE on the other side!”
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Jose at the Ballgame
A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.
He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:
“What happened?” asked his family.
“Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!” he said. “Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, ‘Jose, can you see?’”
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Sister Sally and the Gin
Sister Sally goes into the liquor store and asks for a pint of gin.
The clerk is taken aback. “Sister. What are you doing buying such a thing?”
“It’s okay,” replied Sister Sally. “It’s for the Mother Superior’s constipation.”
“Oh well then that’s okay.” And he sells her the gin.
After he closes up shop, he’s walking home and sees Sister Sally on the park bench absolutely blotto, just sloppy and singing bawdy songs and making a spectacle of herself.
“Sister!” he cried. “I thought you said the gin was for the Mother Superior’s constipation!”
“It is,” replied the Sister. “When she sees me like this she’s gonna shit!”
