“SAY IT WITH FLOWERS!”
“I NEED SOMETHING THAT SAYS, ‘I’D LIKE TO STICK MY DICK BETWEEN YOUR TITS’”
Joke Type: sexual innuendo
Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Shout Out to Librarians
I’d like to give a shout out to all of the librarians…
…oh… oh, yeah… I’m sorry.
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Much Better Insurance
A rich donor is given a tour of the new hospital wing named after her.
The tour guide shows her all the wonderful people she’s helped, the staff they hired, and the medical equipment her philanthropy helped fund. As they tour one of the bottom floors, they come to a room where a man is furiously masturbating. The rich donor is appalled and wants to cut the tour short.
The tour guide says, “Ma’am, you don’t understand. This man has a very rare condition. If he doesn’t ejaculate every hour or so, poisons will accumulate in his blood and he’ll die soon after.”
Relieved by the explanation, the rich donor decides to continue the tour. She’s shown the cancer ward, obstetrics, the highly advanced surgical ward, and finally the top floor that houses the sickest patients. As the tourists pass a room, the donor notices a patient receiving a blowjob from a nurse. Again, she is appalled and wants to end the tour.
The tour guide says, “Remember down on the first floor with the guy masturbating?”
She replies, “How could I forget?”
The tour guide says, “Well, this man has the same condition, only much better insurance.”
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Moo Goo Gai Pan
While lying in bed, the chef of the Chinese restaurant nudged his wife, saying, “I wouldn’t mind a little 69 right now.”
His wife, who works as a server, turned her back, saying, “If you think I’m gonna get out of bed at this time of night to make you moo goo gai pan, you’re crazy.”
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Another 67 of Them
My girlfriend asked to do a 69.
I said, “What’s that?” She said, “Lie down and I’ll show you,” so she went to squat over my face.
As she did, she farted and jumped up and said, “Sorry,” and then tried again. She then farted a second time.
With that, I jumped up and said, “I’m fucked. I’m not hanging around for another sixty-seven of them.”
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Big Fucking Boat
God: Build a big fucking boat
Noah: Do you mean a very large boat or a boat made for fucking.
God: *pauses*
God: Both
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Job Interview Today
My Girlfriend is so sweet. She sent me this pic from her job interview today. Good luck
