A man is having a terrible day. He’s broke and needs to get his mind off things. He goes to a brothel, hoping to clear his mind. Beautiful women are lined up waiting for his choice.
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Unleash ChaosJoke Type: story joke
Story joke jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Desert Morale: A Hump Day Solution!
A captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour, he noticed a very old, seedy-looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”
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Curious Minds in the Park
A boy and his father are walking in the park.
The boy sees a male dog mounting a female dog. He asks his dad, “Dad, what are they doing?”
Dad thinks for a second and says, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
This satisfies the boy’s curiosity, and they finish their walk.
Later that night, the boy gets up for a drink of water. He passes his parents’ room, and they’ve carelessly left the door ajar. They’re face-to-face in the throes of passion.
The little boy asks, “Dad, what are you and Mommy doing?”
The startled dad hesitates for a second, looks up, and says, “Well, son, we’re making you a baby brother.”
And the kid says, “Well then, can you turn Mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”
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Biden’s Barn Blues: A Night Out
Biden, Obama, and Trump get lost in the woods one night.
They come across an old farm and knock on the door to ask if they can get shelter there overnight.
The farmer answers the door and says yes, but he only has room in his house for two guests, so one of the guys will have to sleep in the barn.
Biden offers to sleep in the barn, and everyone turns in for the night. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door. It was Biden standing there. Biden says, “I didn’t realize horses were in there. I’m allergic.”
So the farmer lets Biden in and sends Obama to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on his door. It was Obama standing there. He said, “I can’t sleep out there. The smell from the pigs is making me nauseous.”
So the farmer lets Obama in and sends Trump out to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door.
It was the horse and the pigs standing there.
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Love Stinks: A Wedding Dilemma
A young couple decided to wed but, as the big day approached, they grew apprehensive.
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Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.The groom-to-be, hoping to overcome his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
“Father, I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Do you love this girl?”
“Oh yes, very much,” he said,” but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”
“No problem,” said his father, “All you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.”
Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to discuss her problem with her mom.
“Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “Everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”
Her mother said simply, “In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, go to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.
“Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later.
Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”
“Oh no!” he replied, “You’ve swallowed my sock!”
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Marriage: The Real Devil’s Advocate
Church was in service when the Devil appeared and started running up and down the aisles, screaming, “I AM BEELZEBUB, LORD OF HELL! FEAR ME!”
Everyone in the church started panicking and scrambling to escape, except an old man who just quietly sat there shaking his head.
The Devil, seeing this, went up to the old man and shouted, “I AM BEELZEBUB! WHY AREN’T YOU AFRAID OF ME?!”
The old man calmly looked the devil in the eyes and said, “I’ve been married to your sister for 60 years.”
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Names That Stack Up: A Floral Mystery!
A woman is walking home with her 3 daughters.
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, “Mummy, how did I get my name?”
“Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that’s why we named you Rose.”
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
“Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that’s why we named you Lily.”
The third girl asks “HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?! DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!!!”
“Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock.”
