Somebody once wrote, “Quality questions create a quality life,” but my quality question to women I bump into at the mall, “Do you want to have sex with me?” usually results in a restraining order.
Sensitivity: Dark
Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were
I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were laxatives.
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I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that
I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that I’ve finally solved once and for all the issue about sexual harrassment in my business. Nobody ELSE thought of hiring only prostitutes.
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You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with
You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with some sleight of hand, you make it look like you’re breaking off your finger, then — voila! — it’s back on again? Well, it turns out it’s not as popular when you try it with your penis.
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With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case
With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case of “genital anthrax.” And when they find out I work at the post office, the boss is really going to question my mail-handling procedures.
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Talk about pulled in two different directions: When her lips
Talk about pulled in two different directions: When her lips finally parted and she took my penis in her mouth, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. But after I forgot to warn her I was about to cum, I thought she’d murder me.
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There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every
There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every sentence and tries to finish it for you. In response, I’ve started ending all my sentences with “that fucks a donkey.” It hasn’t really stopped her from trying to finish my sentences, but it’s gotten me a LOT of attention from the Human Resources folks.
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I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary
I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary will say, “He died doing what he loved: coming up with filthy Ruminations on the shitter.”
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I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden
I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden decision to want to sleep with local guys when I’m not around. Her desire to sleep with them when I *am* around is more troubling.
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I highly doubt they’ll be able to find 12 other bipolar
I highly doubt they’ll be able to find 12 other bipolar anal-insertion fetishist
