Sensitivity: PG-13

Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture

I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture business, but every time I call a prospective customer and ask if they want to see my stool samples, they just gasp and hang up.
Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you

Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you use when speaking to your man. There’s a subtle but crucial difference between telling him you’re planning to “blow him off” and “blow him.”
But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up

But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up grabbing my attention. (Jim Woodruff My new girlfriend is the sexiest woman in the world: big firm breasts, gorgeous eyes and lips, luscious curving hips, long and thick peni– hey, wait just a fucking minute! Oh, my god. I can’t believe this! She totally forgot to wish me a happy one-week anniversary!
There are no three words in the English language sexier or more

There are no three words in the English language sexier or more romantic than those three that every woman longs to hear a man say: “I’d hit that!”
I know a comedienne who is a natural at making up practical

I know a comedienne who is a natural at making up practical jokes about oral sex. You might say she has a good gag reflex.
While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell

While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell me that she was expecting at least eight inches overnight. I hope she was only talking about snow.
My boyfriend keeps saying he wants to fuck me silly. That’s

My boyfriend keeps saying he wants to fuck me silly. That’s ridiculous — I’m already silly.
Advice: Never try to put your dick in a blood pressure checking

Advice: Never try to put your dick in a blood pressure checking machine. It doesn’t feel as good as you would think, and they’ll ban you from Walgreens for life.
I don’t understand the fuss about letting gays serve in the

I don’t understand the fuss about letting gays serve in the military, especially when you consider how much the army likes to keep its privates at attention.
There is perhaps no greater pleasure than to be the meat in the

There is perhaps no greater pleasure than to be the meat in the middle of a Jilly G. Filthy Rumination sandwich.